You gotta live the best you know how

Lest I forget, 2012 resolutions

2012-01-31T00:19:00.002+08:00

It is yet another day.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to comprehensively conceive and grasp sense of the days upon days calendarically arranged. Time is a player. Time is part of today, not simply a measure of its passing. The day is in the form of us as we were in the form of the day. Time will return it, as memory and futurity; part of the pattern of the all continuous space time continuum.

Every now and then just as the way I write my essays, I like to pause for moments in life and re-read past chapters, erase past blemishes, rekindle some old memories, and perhaps reflect a little--- to re-assess where I am gearing towards along the timeline of my limited lifespan.

Yes I have heard, that a lady shouldn't be too introspective. It weakens her. But I am still going to do it regardless. This is part of growth.

Concise Summary of what I took away in 2011

1) "For everything there is a season, time and place, even the day must give way to night". Timing is a key ingredient, choose the opportune moment to strike and remember that every opportunity has a shelf life and expiration date.

2) Don't put all your eggs in 1 basket-- avoid all or nothing scenarios.

3)Dont sweat and spread yourself too thin over too much either

4) No love is unconditional, no one is indispensable, nothing is irreplaceable-- at best inconvenient or unhappy to live without.

5)If u fail to prepare, prepare to fail

6) Always have a back-up plan

7) You wont miss what u never know existed. Sometimes ignorance is the best bliss.

8) Success depends on goals, (occassionally serendipity and luck). Be specific. It's all in the details and the baby steps u take to progress instead of regress.

9)See, sacrifice that is part of a good trick. To gain something you always have to lose something. (eg. time, effort invested, opportunity costs)

10) *Omitted* because a master never reveals all his tricks and lessons ^_^

As for 2012, I strive to LIVE WELL,
LOVE LIFE AND LAUGH OFTEN.

To improve my well-being I shall work on 6 aspects
1) Personal growth
- having new experiences that challenge how I think about myself

2) Autonomy
- Having confidence in my opinions even if they are contrary to the general consensus. (Not much issue here)

3) Supportive Social Relationships
- Never cut what can be untied, but if it's a dead knot, no point right?

4) Self-Regard

5) Control of life

6) A sense of purpose
- I QUIT HEDONISM about 2 months ago (elaborate more in another post if I have time) but what I seek now is more than just fleeting pleasures of vices and materialism. What I really want to work on is equipping the self to screen out petty annoyances and disappointments to juggle the really important balls in life.

I leave you all with inspired hopes for a better future!

And rmb, the key is all in the details of execution!!! Don't lose sight of what u want! Short term pain often leads to long term gain, as does short term gain often leads to long term pain. Don't get sidetracked!!

Focussss!!!

The severity of itch is inversely proportionate to its reach

2012-01-30T23:35:00.007+08:00

I don't know how to say this, except just to say it.

I'm not good at telling myself I can never have something.

//Behind all that social tricks and manipulation skills working on the minds and hearts of others...
The real trap is getting attached to any of it.

Whoever said/ sang "Dont worry be happy?"

2012-01-30T23:29:00.001+08:00

Ans: A very wise soul

"When your dreams turn to dust, vacumn".

Can someone give me a real good AMEN?

2012-01-30T23:22:00.002+08:00

It is what it is.

"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints."

I attended service for the first time last Sat, simply because persistence is, was and always will be a quality and trait I really admire in people. Amidst all that hypnotizing chantings, feel good ambience, occasionally inspiring quotes and analogies by pastors, peer pressure to yield, submit and raise my hands, what I witnessed and felt wasn't the love of God, but rather the yearning among church go-ers towards unconditional love. For that passing glimpse, it felt so good to dismiss all skepticism and submit to just believe.

To seek refuge in an oasis of serenity within the realm of belief.

But I came back to grounding reality anyway.

"You need to be constantly comfortable with being uncomfortable in order to grow/"

" For when did I realise I was god?"
Well I was praying one day and suddenly I realized I was just talking to myself."

ALMOST ALWAYS.

Auld Lang Syne

2012-01-24T12:54:00.000+08:00

(For old times sake)

Love Is The Pain You Can't Refuse

2012-01-16T00:17:00.001+08:00

Because every1 needs to be held and have their lips kissed and privates rubbed and someone to tell them that everything is going to be okay. People go through the same stuff. Everywhere every1 basically wants the same thing-- everyone just wants validation, love, security, enjoyment, and hopes for a better future.

The way they verbalize it & how they work towards it is probably where things branch out, but we all have the same basic desires. U can relate to every1 in the world if u look past the superficial things that separate us.

//So love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live

2012-01-09T00:30:00.000+08:00

Did I feel happy because I was free, or free because I was happy?

2012-01-08T14:32:00.005+08:00

I bought a lottery ticket today. I want to win the $70 million jackpot so I can escape this crowded unfufilling existence. You will know I've won if I never write here again.

PS/ On a grander side note, for 2011 I have successfully mastered the art of ambidexterity. I m (almost) equally skillful in writing with both hands now. ^_^

Great Ideas never changed the world

2011-12-21T22:55:00.018+08:00

Action did.

"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path u walk and the path u leave behind; it's the gap between who u thought u could be and who u really are; it's the legroom for the lies u'll tell urself in future in exchange for the small sense of sheer comfort that u are enough."

So I have been thinking.
December hasn't been kind. Admist all that intermittten showers and foul cold weather that has posed great inconvenience for my outdoor activities, we witness yet even further breakdowns and melt-downs in the public SMRT transport system in Singapore's network. Which poses yet even further disincentives (is there such a word) for me to step out of the house really despite the festive season.

Troubled, plagued by financial woes and my general life direction--- always wanting more than I can afford, always wondering if my greed is an inflicted blessing or curse. On one hand, the endless pursuit of materialism inspires me to seek self-improvement at all expenses (charisma, talent, grooming and social skills even when I m not in the mood) and yet on the other, it really makes me lie down at night and ponder over whether it is really all worth it.

Once in a while, I do cherish and revel in solitude-- by travelling alone all over the island in search of less frequented esoteric places. The trips and places are where and when I find time aside for solace and do some of the deep thinking in life.

Inadvertently, I find that exposure to high-end fancy deluxe lavish places more often than not triggers an innate sense of voiding unhappiness within my heart that screams to be filled. " HEY I want to be able to afford one of this someday, 1 of these buildings in the CBD will be mine someday... someday is not today, maybe in a few years time" And within moments I will catch myself, pause and maybe sneer a little out loud.

" Who is rich? He that is content.

And who might that be? Nobody".

Desire is the key to motivation and also the root of all suffering. It is possible, to be both happy and unhappy at the same time. Just join the chase la, philosophise when u get old and retire. At least with money u get to pick your own poisons.

I tell myself.

Why is ignorance and stupidity bliss? Because without the knowledge of the existence of fame luxury and materialism, u have nothing to chase for. Happy and contented with what u have like a frog in a well. And hey, if the frog is happy inside his well, who are we to insist that it should jump out and see the world for what it really is?? In the past, I used to depise friends/acquaintances who would actively choose to submerge themselves in audio-beats headphones and virtual worlds of online gaming (starcraft, world of warcraft, skyrim). "Because it isn't real. Your money inside that world cannot buy u a house, wake up from ur stupid dream and idea!!!"

Is it better to live in a world of fantasy and have a foot on reality, or is it better to ground urself to reality and occassionally (only occassionally dip a fleeting foot into a world of fantasy) I suppose it all boils down to pragmatism and idealism. EGG chicken question.

But I digress too much too far.

The point of this post is to point out in the big picture that adaptation, flexibility and versatility is the key to survival and thriving in this world. If one changes one's looks, talents, personality, background and values, one can be loved by almost anyone. Wear a different mask each time to suit the occassion, as long as u don't forget who u really are at the end of the day after u achieve what u want.

And remember that all men are not born equal. Acknowledge that there is finite, limited resources available-- it is your job to seek and fight and maximise ur own share of lot. As idealistic as the principle cause of communism (equal redistribution regardless of contribution) its just not feasible in the footsteps of progress.

The other side of the coin is this--give up the chase...??? One of the greatest mental freedoms in life-- is truly not caring what anyone thinks of u, and let's face it-- Advertising has always had us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need to impress people we dont even know and may not even like. ZEN yourself into A ZEN LIKE mode, tell yourself u transcend it all and go live in the woods as a monk on minimalism so that u leave more resources for others by depriving urself.

Out of mind,
Out of reach,
Out of sight.

Act like ur above it all that chase.
Act like u might as well have not existed.
Because what's the point?

Meaninglessness.

Or on the other hand like I said earlier, u might as well live it out loud proud and loud selfishly grab the most that u can and will make use of and save the philosophizing later for historians. Their job, not yours.

"And so we shall ask ourselves: Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived ;
or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?"
.
Which brings us back to the title-- start living and doing instead of wasting too much time idealizing.
Too often fellow NTs like myself are trapped within the theory more than its utilisation. "If you are so smart, why am I rich?" What is the use of knowing if u dont apply the knowledge???
The secret means nothing, the trick u use it for is everything.

When We Were Seventeen, The Sky Was Always Tangerine

2011-12-20T01:12:00.005+08:00

" We drove fast in cheap cars. We wanted more than anything to stay friends until we all died. We wanted to do everything we could to make ourselves feel like that was going to happen. None of us knew what we wanted after we left. We all knew we wanted to leave. But there was no career talk, or even real talk of college. All we wanted was to live as much as we possibly could. As much as we possibly could before we got old.

Phonecalls picked up by a mother, who would call out a name, and then we would meet at Mike’s house, or somewhere else, and make phonecalls to other groups of friends until we had a place to meet everyone. There were buyers. There were ditchbanks and rocks to throw at the sky. There were flashes of thunderstorms in the east. And “what time do you have to go home?” Talk about not liking boys, but still always talk about boys.

It was us against everything. Against the adults. The older kids. The younger kids. Against age. Against time. Against not having enough money and not being able to really work for it, but not really wanting to work. Always music and always loud. If we couldn’t change the landscape where we lived, we could change the way it sounded.

When joy turned to hostility one of us would fill up with enough angst to infect the rest and then we became vandals. If we couldn’t choose where we lived, we could choose to destroy it. The less power we felt we had over our own lives the more destructive it got.

When we weren’t smoking cloves or breaking things we were playing driveway basketball or video games in someone’s basement when the winter forced us in. By then homework was only done when it couldn’t be avoided. Those with understanding parents didn’t have to lie to hang out. At least not as often. We got f-cked up. We got caught. Some of us were better at running from busted parties than others.

Whenever I was alone I wondered if anyone else felt the way I did. Then we got together and worked it out until we all felt the same for at least a moment. That’s what we were always trying to find — that moment when we were all feeling the same thing. It wasn’t the only good time in our lives, but it was one we went through together. We were hopeful. Idealistic. Sure we could do a better job with the world if they would give it to us. We’re all different now, scattered around the planet, but we’re also still alive in that place — every time any of us go back, we go back to what we were when we all lived there.

We were young enough that friends still meant play. Before real failure. Before big relationships went bad. Before anyone quit, or got killed. No one had done anything yet they couldn’t take back or fix. We tried on bigger ideas like loyalty and honesty, but what we really meant was solidarity — we just didn’t know that word yet.

When it was the best it meant the rumor of a party, a lucky shirt and hat (girls were so unknowable to us then we resorted to superstition) all of our friends in good humor. Then the party came together with enough alcohol and our people and no cops. It was good to the point that everyone, even the nice ones, stayed out past curfew. No one was going home. No one wanted to miss it. The party was home, the world we wanted, and the people we needed were there.

We didn’t want to go to heaven, we’d have to die first. The world wasn’t anywhere we believed in or wanted part of, not with all of its messed up adults and real problems we knew we’d have to deal with anyway — we were smart enough to see that coming. We just had now. We had the houses of friends whose parents were out of town and left them to us.

That was as close as we would ever get to building another world,
and for a few hours when we were seventeen it was enough.

"
-BART SCHANEMAN

Receipe for disaster

2011-12-03T00:37:00.001+08:00

Homework for the day: What is the receipe for success?

Life Lessons-- My Time To Waste Your Time

2011-12-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

Always a dreamer,

I'd choose getting myself burnt

anytime over grounding reality...

#First world problems

Always good to hear

Everyday in college of engineering

Can't argue with that.

And there goes the relationship.

I laughed ALOUD.

It has to be said.

True story in uni

Over the years I've learnt to look the other way

2011-11-28T14:55:00.004+08:00

I dont know if it's a secret, but it helps to have a good sense of humor.

2011-11-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

do what you love and success will follow.

I wished I knew what I loved.

I take back everything I said.

I feel like I wont be happy again in a very long time.

I don't deserve to.

This world

2011-11-19T01:56:00.001+08:00

Life, eh?

A Shoulder To Cry On

2011-11-19T00:57:00.000+08:00

The Invitation

2011-11-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

" It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic,
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul;
if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day,
and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if youcan get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

"

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

7 billion so what, QC please

2011-11-13T02:44:00.003+08:00

For the uninitiated, qc stands for quality control. For goodness sake, that minimal petty amount of economic progress is not worth such massive deteoriation of social grace and our urban landscape. DAMN UGLY disgusting sight nowadays. The average singaporean population is getting uglier.

I saw this on yahoo and OH THIS PISSED ME OFF EVEN FURTHER

" Foreigners account for nearly one-third of the country's 5.18 million population, according to the Department of Statistics' latest data.

http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/Singapore-PM-Economy-Is-cnbcwp-2922173667.html?x=0

Look at the picture again and tell me thats 1/3???

I can't even see 1/3 of singaporeans.

TISSUE OF LIES BY THE government.

I hate this country I want to emigrate the first chance I get. FUCK.
At this rate it seems like Thomas Malthus was right all along.

I propose a highly innovative solution though, deport the ugly workers with inferior genes who are only equipped with basic technical skills back once they are done with their work (contract has to be based on a 3 project basis to basis) and whoever stays more than 1 month after their visa will have to undergo a compulsory act of vasectomy (deduct from their salary) so that they stop fucking around with philipine maids and give birth to ugly kids as singaporeans and infiltrate our instituitons, this country and society.

2011-11-13T02:09:00.003+08:00

11:11:11

2011-11-11T23:11:00.047+08:00

There are two examples in popular culture that comes to mind when we talk about wishing. One, the Make a Wish Foundation, is positive. It asks a terminally ill child to “make a wish,” and then the foundation sets forth in granting the aforementioned wish. There is wishing, followed by carving out a plan and meeting goals. Presumably, the child can’t achieve his goals without outside help, but someone is taking initiative to turn words into action.

The second example, as a woman and an Oprah fan, embarrasses me: The Secret. Published in 2006, Rhonda Byrne’s self-help bestseller focuses on positive thinking (good) and a three-step process daftly titled, “Ask, Believe, Receive” (bad). In other words: Ask the universe for what you want; believe that you deserve it; receive the fruits of your mental labor. This is, for lack of a better word, delusional.

The voodoo science outlined in the book suggests that hard work and ingenuity are no match for gratitude and visualization, which is, historically speaking, complete and utter BS. Like, hi. It’s Ask-Believe-ACHIEVE-Receive. (not to be confused with a self-fufilling prophecy in which an individual believes in a value and acts towards)

Where is the do in the process??

This morning my friend J linked me to an article titled Positively Misguided: The Myths & Mistakes of the Positive Thinking Movement. It’s well worth the read. The article is a bit long, so I’m going to paraphrase it for those of you with a short attention span:

Pathological Hope: a tantalizing world view of optimism that disregards evidence, common sense, setting and implementing realistic goals, establishing and observing priorities, and recognizing valid limitations and obstacles.
By 2010, the self-improvement industry is projected to reach $14 billion. It centers around the concept of the Positive Mental Attitude (PMA): defined by faith in the catalyzing effect of optimism, self-confidence and other woo thinking. Be positive and you can live the American Dream! Especially if you cherry-pick your anecdotal evidence!

Corporate America spends billions of dollars on motivational speakers, seminars and wilderness programs designed to instill a positive, confident outlook. That’s instead of brushing up on actual skills and training.
Wall Street is driven by optimism or the lack thereof much more than common sense and practicality. Shake up the confidence of the market and it will do a nosedive, even though the solvency of all those companies hasn’t changed.
In sports winning and losing can all be explained by positive mental attitude. It isn’t about the countless rigorous hours of training and fitness, the special diets, the determination and will of pushing oneself to great lengths of achievement. No. It’s about glorifying the mental game instead. Who wanted it more.
“Americans want to be positive, to surround themselves with others who are positive, to entrust their destinies and very lives to those who exude positivity. What America really believes in is belief.”
We’ve come to believe that attitude is more important than skill, which is our downfall. Hard work, patience, scholarship, self-discipline, self-sacrifice, diligence and other ingredients of success are discarded and downplayed, to our detriment.

““Pessimism … is the most un-American of philosophies.” Positivity is in the American gene. It’s also subtly evoked in the founding precept of American democracy, the poetic declaration that “all men are created equal,” which proponents of mental attitude have bastardized to imply that “all men [and women] are equally capable.” Or, as the self help gurus say, “Don’t let anyone take away your dreams!”” Again, sheer nonsense!

The Secret has over 6 million books and DVDs in circulation, which argues that we are “living magnets”. The author claims “there is not anything any human cannot be, do or have…not a single thing. No limits whatsoever.” So it’s all mind over matter. How wonderfully simple, and unscientific, and downright wrong. It flies in the face of the basic laws of the physical world. How far removed from reality (crazy) does that make you if you believe your thoughts control what is attracted to you?
Visits to alternative practitioners of all kinds of alternative medicine outnumber traditional family doctors almost 2 to 1. So people are paying huge amounts of money to visit quacks with no scientific basis instead of board-certified and properly trained medical doctors with degrees and scientific based medicine.

Self esteem based education was started in the 1970s as a social experiment. It was argued that a healthy ego would help students achieve greatness. So the more self esteem kids had the better, even though researchers didn’t know much about what self-esteem would do for the kids. This was to the detriment of traditional scholarship. Protect the child from any kind of failure, pass them so that they don’t get their self esteem bruised and so that they stay with their friends, grade on a curve, don’t correct papers in red ink. Celebrate mediocrity. Unfortunately, this led to students who were passed who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, do higher level work, and ended up deep in the educational system, unable to read, write or do basic math. American kids have extremely high self esteem now, even though their performance is sub-par. When asked, they give themselves high marks for lousy work. Other countries, like Japan who emphasize learning are far ahead. We just can’t compete with them while we continue to emphasize self-esteem over learning.

“The real lesson here, though, isn’t that massive doses of positivity failed to yield brilliance — it’s that the obsession with cultivating optimism and “inner strength” actually proved counterproductive. It is now clear that not only did self-esteem-based educational methodologies not produce excellence, they actually undermined it.”
These same kids have also been shielded from the “real world”. They have no coping skills for dealing with adversity as a mature adult.
Also, by creating a climate of entitlement, these kids have been trained to feel good about self-serving behaviors that are less than moral. Studies reveal that cheating, lying and stealing by high school students is spiraling upwards alarmingly. A report noted that almost 3/4 of students admitted to cheating in 2001.
Now we have created narcissistic kids. Narcissism, which is rampant today, is an exaggerated sense of one’s place in the world. Narcissists need others only for their usefulness to feed their sense of grandiosity. But the paradox is that they crave constant validation, never secure in their bloated self-worth. “Is it not reasonable that such a condition might result from schooling that touts empty, unsubstantiated self-worth?”

And there’s a growing body of research that links narcissism with aggression. Ultra high self esteem is a strong marker for serious antisocial behavior. A study in 1998 found that often the highest levels of self-worth/narcissism are found in serial killers, drug dealers and other misanthropes.
“The “zero limits” subculture argues that anything is possible through the sheer and single-minded application of will.” Simply untrue.
And if a guru champions The Secret mentality, then they strongly imply that people who don’t follow their philosophy bring all kinds of doom and gloom onto themselves. Which is patently false.

“Positive mental attitude relies greatly on argument-by-example, touting successful, positive people as proof that “you can do it, too!” From an evidential standpoint, it’s crazy to cherry-pick successful people, ask them about their state of mind, discover that they feel good about life, then use that “research” in arguing that a positive attitude promotes success. How many unsuccessful people also felt positive — until their lives took an unexpected turn for the worse?”
You too can be president someday, if you really want to! This kind of thinking is nonsensical. In your adult lifetime from age 35 up, you’ll have about 1o presidencies available to about 150+ million Americans. You do the math on what your real chances are. You have a greater chance of being struck by lightning, but don’t worry there’s virtually no chance that will happen either.

Often positive thinking expresses itself as an aversion to contingency planning. I like the phrase, hope for the best, but plan for the worst. But if you insist on thinking positively and get upset when anyone says anything “negative”, that’s delusional optimism. “We reward optimism and interpret pessimism as disloyalty.”
“The cost of preparing for critical events that do not occur is generally very small in comparison to the cost of being unprepared for those that do.” This is addressing risk. It’s good and cost effective.
Then there’s the dogged refusal to admit defeat. Good money gets thrown after bad, because if you truly believe, how can you fail?
“The most dangerous person in corporate America is the highly enthusiastic incompetent. He’s always running too fast in the wrong direction.”
A positive outlook may be bad for business. A study found that crankier employees were superior to their upbeat counterparts in a job assembling circuit boards. “The cheerful people were too invested in their cheerfulness and devoted significant energy to perpetuating it. Their grimacing co-workers simply threw themselves into their work — and did it better: Malcontents made half as many mistakes.”
Just look at the housing disaster we’re in now. Delusional optimism played a huge role, and the bubble finally had to burst. It isn’t sustainable. Reality breaks in at some point. It has to.

Here is a “a guaranteed way to never achieve your goals… Let’s say that you are broke, overweight, and have no friends. You decide to apply positive thinking… You tell yourself that you are lucky to be you and walk around with a smile on your face. Is this really addressing the problem?” No. Now you’re just lying to yourself. Instead work out, be friendly, and save your pennies, just like the truly successful people. It is discontent that “motivates action and change.”
Expect failure…but keep trying. Expect failure? In a study done with dieters, it was found that the anticipation of failure — combined with the will to persevere — paved the way for success. This is a good phrase to keep in mind. It’s based on common sense. Of course pop culture will never go for it. They’d rather embrace the lies of the positive mental attitude.

The truth is, I don’t want to live in a wish culture. I want to surround myself with people who are proactive and passionate, who believe they can accomplish goals not by way of mysticism, but by taking appropriate, rational steps toward their destination. And it’s not like everyone I know is passively hoping to trip over good fortune one day — even if they were, it’s not the number eleven’s fault — but I think it’s important to embrace our free will and potential rather than sit around with an inflamed sense of entitlement and expect that everything is going to work out in our favor.

There’s nothing wrong with tradition or with wishing. When I have children, I’m not going to ban them from blowing out candles on a birthday cake. It’s whimsical and in a way, it helps us conceptualize our desires. But why wish when you can plan? Why dream about things you can realistically have? We shouldn’t be afraid to work for the things we want. We shouldn’t wait for opportunities to fall into our laps because we happened to look at a clock at the right time. Frivolous wishing is a dumb, guilty pleasure. It’s a turn of phrase. It’s not a way of life. Getting married today will not safeguard your marriage. Looking at the right clock at the right time doesn’t guarantee you anything. Dream, hope, and wish – but above all, work. Getting what you want isn’t nearly as gratifying otherwise.

What is the best way to make a dream come true?

It's to wake up and start living it.

Awesome like that^^

2011-11-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

I always do what's convenient instead of what's right.

Shame on me really, but I keep getting rewarded.

It's almost as if I m destined to be the evil force which parallels the good force in this world
(thereby keeping it in balance)

Bwahaha!

Rich Poor Divide

2011-11-07T17:45:00.004+08:00

Anatomy is destiny (from the moment of birth), fate is cruel sometimes.

But luckily there are always tools of escapism (sex,drugs, alcohol in the bars)

I laugh and join occasionally, simply because life is really depressing sometimes.

Hmm.
I need a richer, better fufilling life.
This right now isn't cutting it for me.

I want out.... but how?

Singapore Should Learn a Lesson from the UK

2011-11-07T17:35:00.000+08:00

As PAP remains as the ruling party in Singapore, the issue of the influx of foreigners seems irresolvable.

When someone moved into another country, he or she must make an effort to integrate into that country. However there is strength in numbers, as an minority group grows, there is a possibility that instead of fitting in, they would want others to accommodate them instead. Soon they will want their say in the country and they will start fighting for their rights.

That is what is fearful for the future of Singapore. With the percentage of foreigners(PR or otherwise) rising, Singaporeans might soon find themselves struggling to be heard.

UK with its welfare system and lax immigration rules, seems like a favorable place for immigration and many flocked to the country. However the large number of immigrants have upset the country. Instead of fighting for its people’s rights, policies are often set to accommodate the immigrants. When a country talks about banning an innocent children’s story- The Three Little Pigs (as some thought it might offend the Muslims), something must be dreadfully wrong with the country.

With the percentage of foreigners already overtaking those of the local Singaporeans, Singaporeans might soon find it harder to fight for their own rights.

Perhaps for the next elections, it wouldn’t be PAP against the oppositions, it would be Foreigners against Singaporeans.

Source: TR when it was still up and going

Nostalgia is denial

2011-11-05T23:37:00.001+08:00

" Nostalgia is denial- denial of the painful present... the name for this denial is golden age thinking- the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one's living in- it's a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present."

- Midnight in Paris, 2011

Why "the good old days" whenever the past is being reminisced? Why is the past always better in retrospect? It is actually a trick of the human mind, with our memories linkened to romanticizing history, filtering away the bad moments and basically leaving only the good ones behind-- dignifying and glorifying the earlier times.

Truth is, no era in the past was THAT great: you are talking disease, war, famine, poorer hygiene, inconvenient transport system, and no basic human rights here. In the Medieval times there were horrific tortures, very little freedom, most people were basically slaves, on top of that you had plague, smallpox and witchcraft trials. However, all most people imagine from this time are knights in shining armour on horses fighting dragons, it just wasn't like that. This idealized view is then often repeated throughout each historical period.

As to the future, it is only innate human nature which resides in us to hope. If everyone held the thought that the future would going to be a lot worse than it is now then no one would bother to do anything! The future will definitely be different from the present but whether for better or worse, we don't really know!

All I can say is that,
The past serves as a springboard for the present towards the future.

Carpe Diem, seize the day.

And Que Sera, Sera. What will be will be.

Show Grace When Appropriate

2011-11-05T23:22:00.001+08:00

“There are two ways through life: the way of nature, and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you’ll follow. Grace doesn’t try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things. They taught us, that no one who loves the way of grace, ever comes to a bad end. Whatever comes.”

All that's needed is a willingness to sometimes excuse someone who has no right to expect your compassion or forgiveness. Showing grace when appropriate is equally important in personal and professional relationships.

It is an act of grace to defer to another person's preference when you could impose yours. Similarly when someone hurts u and has no right to expect forgiveness, you may choose to forgive anyway.

We do so not because we have to, but because we want to.
Grace is a matter of choice.

None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes, hurt others with thoughtless acts, fail to meet responsibilities, and occassionally do things we know are wrong. Sometimes there is no reason others should forgive us when we wrong them.

Yet human relations must have some room for redemption, for the extension of grace EVEN WHEN it is not required or earned.

(YET STILL not too often should redemption be offered to whoever asks for it (Ask and it shall sometimes be given), because truth of the fact is that if ppl are forgiven too easily, all the time, there will be no incentive for them to make an effort to be more mindful not to hurt others. It's a see-saw balance of demonstrating grace to make the world a better, beautiful place, but not too much that everyone takes it for granted.

)

The Confidence Continum

2011-10-19T23:16:00.005+08:00

"To be able at any moment, being willing to sacrifice what u are for what u could become..."

做人不可以太舒服

Growth is often painful and people tend to resist change dwelling in their comfort states zones. In order to give up the comfort mentality, picture and visualize it as sculpting the perfect mould of a sculpture. Some times u have to scrap off and give up certain parts of yourself, no matter how much it hurts in order to transform into a better person.

Don't get bitter, get better!

Much of what u may need to do to achieve a desired outcome may not make u happy while u are doing it. Jogging for miles to lose weight or spending less to save money will not necessarily make u feel better on any given day, but EVENTUALLY when u have achieved ur target weight or cleared ur overdraft, u begin to understand that less-than pleasing means OFTEN leads to a desired outcome.

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically - to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside. The enemy of the ‘best’ is often the ‘good’ enough.

Breakthrough tonight!

Would You Rather Be With Someone You Love, or Someone That Makes You Happy?

2011-10-19T23:11:00.005+08:00

Think carefully, because they are not necessarily the same thing.

In the past, I used to think that the path of happiness was always the way to go. After all, that is our brain's way of rewarding us for doing something good. However, our brain is easily misled, and quite often, it is. Eating a chocolate cake makes us happy, but it is terrible for our bodies. Drinking alcohol takes the edge off things, but your liver pays the price. Spending your paycheck on shoes makes you happy, only to find out you're broke. Simply put, our brains are retarded. The fact is, just because you're happy, doesn't mean you're doing the right thing.

Over the past few weeks, I've done some soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that it's not a man's job to be happy in life. Society does not reward men to be happy. In fact, we frown upon it. Instead, we value men based on their worth and their growth potential. Sports fans don't buy jerseys of the happiest player, they buy jerseys from the MVPs. An investor doesn't want a broker that is the happiest, they want the guy that never sleeps and makes a ton of money for his clients. In the battlefield, soldiers don't want a happy guy standing next to them, they want someone that will watch their back and won't leave them behind. In any facet of life, happiness for a man is secondary, if not irrelevant. People want growth and value, and for that to happen, it takes pressure, work, and heat to temper our mettle. Growth does not come easy or painlessly.

Dating someone that makes you happy is easy. There are plenty of ppl out there that are not challenging, aren't terribly bright, and are decent in bed. But that only encourages stagnation. Once you get into the trap of only finding what makes you happy, that's all you will do, and that will be the only ppl you date. It's like sitting on your ass and playing computer games all day. It makes you happy, but you are not developing as a person. You're not learning anything new and you're limiting your exposure to other opportunities in the world. By simply clinging to happiness, you are resigning yourself to 0 growth. And for some people, that might be okay. But if you want to be great, then you have to get off your ass and read some books, take some classes, go meet new people, and take a chance with love.

When you choose love over happiness, you are opting to take a harder route, but you gain far more out of it. You will be challenged, you will have to work, and you'll need to sacrifice, but a meal you pay for tastes so much better than a free lunch. It's like you finally earned a trophy instead of settling for the one that everyone gets for participating. Even if you fail at love, you will have realized that you've dug deeper into your soul that you ever would have if you'd just played it safe. And after the chaos, there's a brief moment of clarity where you get a glimpse of what your true goals, your deepest fears, and your inner sense of self. And that's worth more than gold or happiness.

*****Addendum

To be clear, I'm not saying you can't be happy when you're in love. I'm saying love is more complicated and involves more aspects than just plain happiness. It's important to be happy with the person you're with, but you have to realize that it isn't a 24/7 feeling and you have to be able to deal with it. To simply be happy with someone implies that you are not sufficiently emotionally vested interest in them.

Lucid thoughts for once

2011-10-08T02:10:00.002+08:00

Complete disconnection from this world as I step inward; inward into a boundlessly unfolding chasm in the center of my head where there is no night or day. Time ceases to exist here, as it is just the single still moment of eternity shining bright and whispering the secrets of reality for all who remember to listen. The soft and sweet call of consciousness. Awakening to who we are, to what our true nature is in this deep authentic journey of life.

How To Fix Marriage

2011-10-05T23:57:00.001+08:00

I think one of the main problems with the concept of marriage is that it is expected to be a lifelong contract. Think about that. Life long. There is no other contract like that out there. Imagine if you could only live in one house for the rest of your life, or drive only one car until you die, or fuck only one person(oh, wait, nm). In reality, this agreement doesn't exist anywhere else because it's downright impractical. When the lease to your apartment is up, you renew it or move out. If you want to upgrade your car, GO AHEAD get a new one if u can! If you want to change the price of your product/services, just wait till your current contract expires to do it! That's how our economy and society works. And yet, we expect something like being bound to another person til death do them part to be rational? This is why I am proposing a drastic solution to remedy the ailing institution of marriage.

I propose we institute term limits to marriage. After a certain amount of time, say, 4 years, both parties must agree to either renew the marriage, or let it expire. If the marriage is allowed to expire, then both parties walk away with their hands clean. Let's face it, divorce settlements are pretty much penalties for breach of contract. But if the contract had an expiration date, then you can just run the clock until you can wash your hands of them. This has the dual bonus of abolishing the practice of gold digging, because women can no longer rely on plain looks to ensare a wealthy man because she can get kicked to the curb in 4 years with nothing to show for it.

Think about it, if you have no problem with your relationship, then under my system, you can go ahead and grow old together just like traditional marriage. Nothing would change except filling out a renewal form. But, if your relationship is on the rocks and headed towards Splitsville, then wouldn't you be glad you only have to wait until the contract terms are up?

What do u think?

The Good-With-a-Capital-G Manifesto

2011-09-30T11:16:00.002+08:00

Understand how priorities work.

Here’s a hint: In life, you get to pick the small handful (you have very small hands, you know) of things that are important to you. Then, you do whatever it takes - anything. Actual ANYTHING - to make those things what you want them to be. That’s it. You get that. No more. No less. You can’t have everything, but you can have everything you can.

You don’t need to be The Best at Everything, but you need to be Good at Something. That will require work. Be ready to put in the work. Nothing feels better than doing things you’re good at.

Except maybe finishing something you started. That feels good, too. So follow through. Set goals every day. Accomplish goals every day.

Be kind. Be so kind. Remember when your mother taught you this? Remember when Eliot Rosewater said so? Still counts. No matter how many times you hear that it’s lame to be described as “nice,” people are going to call you nice. And you are going to like it. To you, this is one of the greatest compliments you will ever receive. Mostly because, truly, it ain’t easy.

Speaking of things that aren’t easy… Sit up straight, smile, and get your hair out of your eyes. Also? Ask for help if you need it.

Now, here are some easy things: Read a lot. Write a lot. Laugh excessively. Take a whole bunch of photos. Feel pretty when you look pretty. Acknowledge happiness and be grateful for it.

Do things that are hard. Do things that are easy. Balance.

Drink good liquor.
It’s going to make you feel like shit, so you might as well really enjoy it.

Eat good food. Also, eat Good Food.
And exercise. A lot. Find the exercise you like and then do it until you get to the point where you almost don’t like it. Remember to have good form! Then stop. Then take a short break. Then do it again the next day (or at least the day after that).
Take care of yourself. Respect your body and everything around it.

Go do.
Pursue growth. Take risks. Eat the chicken face. Grab adventure with both hands. Cancel everything for the right opportunity. You will never regret it. But you might wonder about what could have been if you don’t take the chance.

There is a small group of people whose opinions matter to you. That group consists of the folks who will be there when you need help, whose lives are affected by yours. Fuck everyone else’s opinions.

On that note… Mind your own business.
You hear me? Mind your own fucking business.
There’s no reason to compare yourself to people. Life is not a competition. Life is just you versus you. And there’s no sense in complaining about actual everything. If you’re not sure if this is your business, ask yourself: Will this really, truly, honestly effect me? If the answer is really no, then relax. Mind your own business. If the answer is yes? Do something about it.

Yeah, do something about it.
Stop complaining; that’s a waste of effort. Do something about it.

Is the problem too big? Who cares. Contribute. Be part of something that is bigger than you are.

Is the problem too small? Then ignore it and consider yourself lucky. The road to inner peace is paved with insignificant shit that you selectively ignore until it falls off your back and you’re free to run - hard and fast and with good form - towards the good things.

Always run hard and fast and with good form towards the good things.

#$%! My Dad Says

2011-09-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

#On Showering With Regularity
I dont give a shit if u hate it, people hate smelly ppl. I will not have a smelly fucker for a child.

#On chivalry
Give your mother the front seat. I dont give a shit if she said u could have it, thats what she's supposed to do and ur supposed to say No, I insist. You think I am gonna drive around town with my wife in the backseat and a nine year old in front you crazy son of a bitch

#On curfew
I dont give a shit what time u get home, just dont wake me up. That's ur curfew: NOT WAKING ME UP.

#On furnishing one's home
Pick your furniture like you would pick a spouse. It should make u feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past they want to steal it.

#Where do ppl go after they die?
Oh honey, you just worry about living, dying's the easy part.

How I Met Your Father

2011-09-27T00:28:00.004+08:00

" A friend of mine introduced me to the show, How I Met your Mother, during an FX marathon,and needless to say, I became addicted to it. The show then got me thinking about how my own parents gottogether. I would love how my mom usedto tell me how she met my father, partly because I knew it would embarrass the Hell out of him, but also because of how she would turn into a dreamy-eyed school girl as she gushed about how sweet he was. They were high school sweethearts, and the rare kind where they've never dated anyone else in their lives. My parents were one and only, in the most literal sense.

When my parents were in high school, my mother had the nickname of “Little White Cat,” because she was shy, pretty, and delicate. All the guys in the class liked her, but they were all afraid to ask her out (and I get to hug her any time I want :D). My father was the 6’4” badass of the school. Everyone referred to him as “Big Brother” and he pretty much ran the show. And just like all the other guys in the class, he wanted my mom. But, despite his large stature and the fact that he could kick anyone’s ass in school, even he lacked the courage to ask her out.

In those days, before facebook and cell phones, kids had to be resourceful to get girls. My dad ran a sort of network where all his buddies would jot notes on what classes had the pretty girls and everyone pooled them together to come up with a master chart of when and where all the cuties were. This was so that they could stalk them on their way to class. My dad, of course, followed my mom’s schedule, and he would go out of his way in school to “accidentally” bump into her.

During recess or after school, my father would send his buddies out on their bicycles to scout the school to track down my mother. When one of the guys spotted her, he would relay the information back to my dad, who would then “just-so-happen” to show up and bump into her. Their exchanges would be brief and awkward, and he would try to ask her out to watch a movie,get something to eat, etc. But she would always politely turn him down, not because she didn’t like him, but because she was utterly clueless of how dating worked. When she had an exam to study for, homework to do, or chores to perform,she was telling the truth, but it always came off as a rejection. Regardless, my father was persistent.

One day, my mom was having lunch with her sister when my dad approached again. Noticing the awkwardness and the latent chemistry between them, my wily and boy-crazed aunt pulled my dad aside and suggested to him that he throw a small get together. She would bring some of her gals, including my mother, of course, and he should round up some of hisboys. Naturally, my father jumped at the idea and quickly set a date for the weekend.

Now, Taiwan back in the day was not exactly a land of riches. My father didn’t have much money, but he really wanted to impress my mom. And so he convened with his buddies and humbled himself to ask them tohelp chip in some of their meager savings so he could buy food, drinks, and music. Neither of them had much money themselves, but they could tell how much this meant to my father, and so they accepted the task. Like troops following their brave general into battle, they pitched in their money without hesitation.

The party itself was a smashing success. There was a good ratio of girls to guys, the food was great, and people were dancing. My mother loved to dance, but my dad did not. But since he saw how much she enjoyed it andhe didn’t want any other dudes cutting in on her, he sucked it up and asked to dance with her. My mother tells me he was a terrible dancer, and it was so awkward because it was like dancing with abig tree. But everyone had a good time,and most of the people that attended actually ended up marrying each other downthe line, which made their initial party investment totally worth it. And it was then that my dad asked my mother out to a movie, and she finally said “yes.”

This is only a small sliver of the things my dad had to do to get my mom to marry him. I could write entire volumes of the things he had to do to keep her with him over the decades,from how they were separated for 2 years because of mandatory military service and how my dad was afraid he would lose my mom to the wealthy playboys whose families could buy their way out of service, to him studying his ass off to get into an American school so he could follow my mom to California. I would wager that much of his accomplishments in life were a result of desperately trying to win my mom’saffection.

And I suppose that’s why I take such a bizarre stance on relationships. I saw how my father had to move the Heavens and Earth to get my mom, and I resent that I either maynever find someone that inspires me to do that, or worse, that I am incapableof it. Looking at the way my dad still looks at my mother I can tell he’s still madly in love with her. And although he won’t say it, I can tell he can’t live without her. I am still amazed at the dedication and work it took my dad to get his girl, and I suppose I’m just afraid that I can’t live up to his lofty bar. Or perhaps I’ll never find my own Little White Cat? And even if I do, will I have whatit takes to hold onto her? He hit his mark with one shot, and I’ve already wasted so many.

Many of you long time readers may think that I hate or don't believe in love. I really wish that were true, but as you can see, I am still vulnerable to it as well. In fact, I think I grudgingly respect the idea of Love more than most people. This is because I have made a decision that I would only allow myself to fall in love 7 times in my life. I've already spent 3 shells, so I have only 4 left in the chamber. I often feel that people think they have an unlimited supply of ammo, and so they don't treat their feelings with the respect they deserve. I may dick around a lot, but that's because I'm really just running, hiding, and using blunt objects to preserve my last few bullets. If I'm going to fall for someone, I want to know that it means something, and that it is absolutely necessary. I believe, if we all starting putting a quota on how many times we can lease our heart out, we would respect people a lot more and love a lot deeper than we do today.
"

I was smiling the entire time while I read this even though I didnt agree with limiting the ammo. Pretty charming eh?

Text Messages

2011-09-15T23:55:00.002+08:00

I wanted to send you a message:
The words, already typed out, held back by hesitation.

Just waiting to be shot into the satellite straight to you
Nothing complicated, nothing out of the ordinary
It entails nothing special, no promise of tomorrow. No promise of a good morning followup
Nothing that you expect routinely from me and nothing that you look forward to when you wake up

I hold back because I know it would be just that, a couple of typed up letters,
You won't consider deciphering any of it, unpacking the little bits of hidden emotion and affection
You'll get it and it will be a typical "goodnight"

And I need it to be so much more.

Excellence is not an event

2011-09-05T23:50:00.003+08:00

Watch your thoughts,
they become words.
Watch your words,
they become actions.
Watch your actions,
they become habits.
Watch your habits,
they become your life.

The seeds you sow today bear the fruits you reap tomorrow

Be what you wanna Be.

2011-08-29T11:12:00.000+08:00

This song makes me really happy.
One reason or another, for reasons I can't explain

Date An Illiterate Girl

2011-08-28T17:11:00.000+08:00

" Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.
"

-Charles Warnkei

Living It Up

2011-08-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

Try everything once. Twice if u like it.
You wanna know what living life to the fullest actually is?

It's waking up on a Monday morning with no complaints. It's knowing u always deserve to laugh. It's doing what feels good no matter the consequences. It's doing what u want to, no matter how stupid it looks.

It's about being urself, cause no one can tell u ur doing it wrong

Double Standards

2011-08-27T02:11:00.000+08:00

Do u feel unappreciated sometimes?

Passion Vs Self-Discipline

2011-08-15T00:11:00.003+08:00

How important is passion as a success factor?

Some people believe it’s the single most important factor, painting passion as the fuel that drives success. “Make your passion your profession”, I quote the movie 3 idiots.

But I disagree.

Passion is simply an emotional state, and a temporary and unstable one at that. The reason passion gets so much credit is that it helps motivate action. And action is what generates results.

Look at it this way:

P = Passion

A = Action

R = Results

Given:

P causes A

A causes R

Conclusions:

P causes R

No problem there. That’s logically correct.

R requires P

Nope. You can’t infer this to be true from the givens.

But what if you also know this:

S causes A

S is not P

Now you can say that the statement “R requires P” is definitely false.

S = Self-Discipline

Are you dizzy yet? Here’s what I’m saying in English:

- Results come from actions (no action, no results)

- Passion can lead to action and therefore generate results

- Self-discipline can also lead to action and therefore generate results

- So passion is NOT required for results

Passion is nonessential for success.

Which is better though: passion or self-discipline? I’ll argue that self-discipline is the better fuel.

Like any emotional state, passion waxes and wanes. Sometimes you’re highly motivated. Sometimes you aren’t. Passion has its peaks and valleys, so if you base your actions on your level of passion, your results will depend on your emotions. Feeling passionate? Great actions, great results. Feeling dispassionate? Weak actions, mediocre results.

Using passion as your only fuel will no more assure you of success than being in love will ensure a successful long-term relationship.

Self-discipline is far more important than passion, especially in business. In fact, if you develop the quality of self-discipline to a high degree, it will put passion to shame.

Self-discipline allows you take action and therefore get results no matter what your emotional state. Where passion is erratic, self-discipline provides steadiness and stability. And because your emotions aren’t in the way, your decisions are more likely to succeed because they’ll be made from a state of disciplined intellect rather than from emotional peaks and valleys.

Which would you bet on if your life depended on it?

If you were to undergo open heart surgery, would you want a disciplined, dispassionate surgeon or an undisciplined, passionate one?

If you were being tried for murder, would you want a disciplined, dispassionate defense team or a an undisciplined, passionate one?

If you were flying in the Space Shuttle, would you want the ground controllers to be disciplined and dispassionate or undisciplined and passionate?

Passion is great, but it’s icing of the cake. It needs self-discipline to back it up.

Self-discipline is quieter though. Passion gets more attention these days because it makes more noise.

(Theory is one thing, applying it is another altogether, so no arrowing please SJ types. HARD TO CHANGE my fundamental nature lol)

Permission and Forgiveness

2011-08-14T23:57:00.001+08:00

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I grew up and realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one instead and asked Him to forgive me.”
– Emo Philips

Self Pleasure

2011-08-13T22:01:00.001+08:00

Is this model doing what I think she's doing? Supposedly, the latest Calvin Klein perfume ad shows 18 year-old Barbara Palvin pleasuring herself while pouting at the camera. (You don't name a perfume "Forbidden Euphoria" and package it in a vibrator-shaped bottle for nothing.) Naturally, there have been a few "harrumphs" about sexualizing teenagers, but compared to what American Apparel puts out, this is pretty tame stuff.

What do you think is going on in this ad? [Fashionista]

Good Morning Infinity

2011-08-03T09:45:00.001+08:00

Who am I in the overall scheme of things? How insignificant I must look to someone who doesn't know me, despite how complex or intricate my life might be. Is it weird that I wonder about everyone in the world, what the lives of the people I don't know are like? What about all the people that I'll never meet, the people with the potential to change so much? Does it even matter? We know and meet everyone we do for a reason I guess and everyone in the world who we don't would have just been possible options, or different roads had we made different choices in our lives? You never know how different something can make your life, what could happen if I decide to take the C train into the city today instead of the NE like I usually do?

Imagine

2011-07-28T01:52:00.003+08:00

” Imagine there is a bank account which credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course? Each of us has such a bank. Its name is time. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against “tomorrow.” You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success. The clock is running. Make the most of today.”

The Way I See It #141

2011-07-28T00:23:00.001+08:00

Most Men Lead Lives Of Quiet Desperation

2011-07-24T15:20:00.005+08:00

SO Date An Illiterate Girl

" Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

"
-Charles Warnkei

She writes the poetry she cannot live

2011-07-10T00:07:00.017+08:00

In many ways more than I deserve or like it to be, life has been very kind to me. Too kind sometimes for my own personal (greater) good, too comfortable for growth, there is little motivation for raw fierce ambition, too little incentive to actualize and put into action all that daydreams. It's like I'm this sheltered kid who has always been handed the silver platter and take everything and everybody for granted too easily.

I genuinely wished I had had this revelation earlier, but in some sense such an environment really crumples and renders my character weak and too dependent on others. To vague this out, let's just say that I get away with a lot of things in life I shouldn't have had. Simply on account of good connections, knowing and talking to the right ppl, elicting sympathy, apt humor, bold initiation and assertiveness, emotional manipulation, good looks (decent grooming), appropriate mannerisms, I tend to cut a lot of corners and succeed anyway. (not going into specifics to protect self-interest)

Many times I get rewarded by the universe for being an asshole.

NEVERTHELESS.

Sometime not too long ago, I realized that this is so much more about just getting away with such stuff, but what I want out of life. I am tired of underachievement, settling due to the lack of discipline and focus, suffering due to a lack of hard work. There is more to life than the art of just getting by.

So I am going to change. In 6months time I will re-invent myself as a person, to better this underachieving past. I am going to will myself to concentrate my mental forces--- to focus on the concrete instead of the abstract, no longer wasting too much time being introspective, instead of just thinking I will start doing.

It sounds a lot like short term delusional optimism, given the procrastinating me everyone knows. Lest I revert to my old ways, which is frankly not hard to pre-empt or foresee, I have shrewdly invested in a couple of post-it notes as well as portable whiteboards (with quotable motivational quotes, materialistic wants, life plans and to do lists) to hang in my room, which I hopefully predict will provide gentle nudging reminders each day to not slip back to that flippant attitude I hold (held) towards life.

I m going to have to give up time doing pastimes which I enjoy, which will likely shave off a lot of short term instances of happiness, but I'm pretty sure this will all churn out for a greater good in time to come. I m going to give it all that I don't have (yet). One thing I knw for sure, is that building self discipline is akin to building a muscle, we all need consistency, repetitions, practice, time and perseverance.

I won't be writing here in a while, you know what they say, laser focused action is the key to success.

Learn to live or learn to write.
In my experience you can't do both.

" How vain it is, to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live".

And so it is what it is. In 6mths time I will take a leave of absence to pursue life as an a-i-r-s-teward-ess in one of the top airlines. 6mths of preparation to ace the interview, to stage an act, to learn all the luxury brands, make up skills, how to speak and act the way they like. This means 1 more semester of torture in school and working part-time again soon to support my extravagant ways but I will do it all anyhow. I m going to have to sacrifice a lot here, but there is no other easy way or anymore corners I can cut.

May the bridges I burn light the way.

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #316

2011-07-09T12:22:00.006+08:00

I believe that there are two forces struggling to dominate this country. Reinvention and nostalgia. The first seeks to imagine and work toward a better future by changing the status quo. The second insists that things were better in the past and works to undo change. Oddly, the opposing forces have come to be represented by colors. Blue and white. It's no secret where my sympathies lie. I've always been a big fan of reinvention. My life is a testament to it. There is simply no way that a scared, sickly, vaguely educated kid from the middle class gets to live the life he's living now without being willing to scrap old, unworkable ideas and start over (Of course it helped that I didn't have a rosy past to feel nostalgic towards). Which brings me to the point of this vanity card. I'm confused by people who seek to return to a life that wasn't that great to begin with. Oh, I get it if you used to be the ruling class. If your childhood memories include watching your granddaddy sip a mimosa on the veranda while being serviced by the upstairs maid, then sure, nostalgia makes sense. But, if you're like me and didn't know anyone who had a veranda, let alone a maid, let alone an upstairs, then why not consider reinvention? Maybe we can make this country a better place to live. It's certainly a more exciting way to go. You know, an uncertain future, filled with mystery and adventure. Of course, if nostalgia wins the day, if we are to attempt to reverse the course of history, then I will do my best to cooperate -- starting with bangin' me some household help.*

*Relax, Celia. It's just a joke.

Concepts

2011-07-05T00:58:00.001+08:00

Things get really surprising when you think about your life in retrospect, when you look back at people who have affected you and when you try to understand their purpose in your life. It's crazy when you begin to grasp the realization that things were never as they seemed before. When people who you thought would be in your life forever suddenly vanish, sometimes leaving clues as to why they left and sometimes without a trace. The process goes deeper though, when there are some people who made it seem that their lives were so in step with yours, that their plans and reasons and actions mirrored those details of your own life. When you get to the realization where you doubt this master plan, where you doubt that these things happen as they must just because they are so far away from how you thought things would turn out.

When people who seem like they are travelling this path with you and you come to realize that they are at incredibly different places in their life. When you begin to understand that all of these conclusions were still just concepts waiting to be tested, theories that you hope are real. It's one thing to know that you have hope and faith and it's one thing to hope that you have it. Maybe someday I'll be sure about these types of things again, and a real, definite kind of sure, not the kind that you use to try to convince yourself about something.

And maybe all these roads that separate will join together again, like tributaries forming the river that they flow away from yet always carry a part of.

As time passes, the meaning of things always changes

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

2011-07-04T23:34:00.106+08:00

"You see, everybody has a personal god, every person, every child has a guru, and your guru shakes you to your own reality", and with this he shakes the chair next to him so hard I'm afraid it will break. He must have picked up on my skepticism. "You don't believe me, do you?

I ask him how he knows all these to be true, since there is no proof of these things.

"You see this light?" he asks, gesturing towards a street lamp overhead.
"Yes I see it."

"But you cannot prove it. If you were born blind, you cannot see it. If you want proof always, you will never be enlightened".

- The Geography Of Bliss, Eric Weiner

Here's A timeline of beliefs in my modest lifespan (since 1990)

2005-2008
" I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief"

2009, after reading a few articles on wikipedia, I decided upon myself to drop atheism to embrace agnosticism.
"Sometimes, the truth value of certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity, but also other religious and metaphysical claims—is unknown or unknowable"

There are ceilings and physical constraints towards how much the human brain capacity can understand.

2010, after watching the movie avatar with a quote that goes
" All energies are borrowed and must be returned some day back to the universe"
The energies within us are recyclable, nothing really ever die, we are merely transformed. LOOK around us. This is plain to see. Each winter the trees, plants and grass go dormant and practically dies, yet still return to life and display their blooms in spring. By the time a tree dies and decomposes into soil, we can see that new life will have sprung out of the remnants of its previous decay Also, physicians will understand the principle of conservation of energy.

I embraced pantheism. Universe is God, I chose to believe in a universal spirit.

2011: Determinism.
I can, and I will accept that absence of evidence is not evidence for absence, yet nothing is absolute enough for me to adopt religious practices. Granted, centuries of hidden wisdom are concealed within the scriptures and bible itself to constitute leisure reading on the occasion. But ultimately, my stance ov3r the years is that I still maintain the belief that organized religion serves a greater good by offering sources of comfort to the unknown through superstitious practices (what u cant see and dont know scares most ppl) , social and mind control getting ppl to follow, unite n bond.

I can't say I will never partake, but as a bystander it amuses me when I watch ppl dive themselves into all of that irrationality out of peer pressure. Or because it's the "cool religion" to display on your facebook profile. And then when u start a conversation with them about the beliefs, they can't really answer.

But let's go back to think about the title shall we? So " Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence". In practice, it is indeed a strong defensive hypothesis against almost anything. By that logic, nothing abstract can be dismissed until you have eliminated all the possibilities.
(arthur conan : “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”)

In the end, you will understand that being human implies physical constraints, limited time and a limited lifespan, who really has the effort n perseverance to battle hard and seek truth against the infinite vast universe? Because what are we in the grand scheme of things? Just an insignificant speck of dust in the timeline of infinity. And what does a speck of dust stand to gain to know about the truth?

C'est la vie, take life as it comes, enjoy it while it lasts.

At least this is how I would justify hedonism.

You must think I am really bored to type all that. So I am going to screw with all your minds further and share my headache. For fellow science and engineering friends I am pretty sure u learnt conditional probability at some point in jc. So help me out here and check out this website,

Once u figure all the mind-boggling math out, feel free to drop me a comment. EXPLAIN TO ME. help me understand. I am on vacation and do not like thinking too much till my head hurts.

Ferris Wheel Feelings

2011-06-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

I hate these "Ferris Wheel Feelings" where you know what it's like to be able to feel so high and above everything, where you feel so good about something only to have it taken away before you know it. You start at the bottom and you anticipate reaching the top, you feel it coming little by little. You reach the top and you're above everything. You are on top of the world and it is exhilarating. Then you realize that little by little you start to drop, going back to where you started. And when you're down there at the bottom, all you want is to be high again.

2011-06-28T22:41:00.004+08:00

En toi, je vois un meilleur moi.

Si seulement vous pouviez le voir aussi...

Makes me smile

2011-06-24T23:59:00.005+08:00

21 now and not much to show for it.

If someone were to invent a time machine today, altogether shifting the paradigms of time and have my present and past self met, will the 10 yr old me be proud of who I am today? Honestly, I think not. Looking back, I'm not sure if I had the right idea or sense of mind. I thought I wanted to live.

[ Second picture, (I was stupid enough to believe hahaha.)
Funny enough, mistakes, arguments and fights always seem ludicrous in retrospect.
"One day we are gonna all sit down together, look back and laugh at.... *insert episode*" ]

In the years of 09/10, I let myself go a lot. Engaging in irresponsible indulgence, stupid frivolities of youth, addiction to internet shows, negligence of academia, restraint hedonism. The thing is that, despite it all, I knew what I was getting into so I drew certain lines and boundaries for myself to not cross. I attempted all vices, without getting addicted to any. (This itself I think it to be an accomplishment) I was at this stage in life where writers will coin
"Old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway". If not now, when?

Right? I got into a little trouble with school but all iz well now. Maybe if I start working a little harder now, change my life direction a little, roll the dice sometimes whilst still planning ahead, doing instead of just saying, maybe things will be better. In many ways I like to believe myself to be fearless. I am unabashed with my ambition, I know I can be where I want to be, I just have to figure out where first. I still dont know what I want, but at least I know what I don't want. Ultimately I can, and I will waltz into the pathway of success.

Yes I would like that.

Pointlessness.

2011-06-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

"
I'm not... interested... in the things I'm supposed to be interested in. People I meet, my old friends, everyone I know is really into going to school. They accept that this is what happens at this point in life. They have a career picked out that they don't mind working toward. Further schooling isn't something that they "have to do" like it is to me. They're fine with internships and proper haircuts and.... Everything! And for the past three years I've been hoping I could find out that I'm a musical prodigy or an artist or a writer or that I'd be discovered in a grocery store and whisked off to Fashion Week.

Growing up, to me, isn't about getting a job. It's settling. And if I keep going to school and I end up with a Psych degree that I don't know what to do with, I'll just settle into a job somewhere that is "good enough". I had a job for the past six months while I was at school that I hated. You can't begin to know how I felt the entire time I worked. It was always in the back of my mind, the dread nagging at anything I did. I could go to the movies with a friend, I could go to a party, I could have a rare day of nothing but napping and cartoons but I couldn't enjoy any of it. I'd sporadically remind myself of the next few days I was scheduled to work, or of how many hours over part time they'd have me there. I don't want to feel like I did before every single shift for the rest of my life.

And, while these things worry me, I don't think it's what's got me right now. It's what's causing what's worrying me though, or something like that. I'm sorry, I'm having an issue explaining myself. I'm kind of sorting it out as I go

It's right now, not knowing what to do. Feeling torn between sinking down and just going to school and doing what I always imagined I'd do (and always imagined I'd be okay with doing) or getting the guts to pursue something else.
But I don't know what I should be getting the guts to do. I've got these dreams but I don't have a way to do them. I don't have the skills to write a book, or lyrics, or play the guitar even if I could write lyrics. I didn't go to a performing arts high school, universities for such wouldn't accept me at this point - not that I'd want to go to school formally for it anyway. I'm not thin enough to be a model, and probably don't really have the kind of weird-gorgeous face for it anyway. I mean, they're all just dreams, they're silly dreams but I can't shake them.

I constantly think I'm cut out for more than other people are. Like everyone else is content to be an average joe, but I'm not. And because I'm not, I have the means to make sure I won't end up that way. I don't know what means that is, exactly. I just know that I'm not like everyone else, but I don't know what I'm. That's all I've got right now.

I could've just said "I'm sad and confused .

"

Cantonese Pop

2011-06-23T02:59:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes the ppl we think love us don't always love us.

U know that? "

So sad it's funny.

2011-06-22T02:54:00.007+08:00

Perspective issues. I love the beer commercials.

Actually, Chuck Norris jokes aside, why can't it be both?

Factual opinion or Opinionated Fact.

Trolling.

Witty comeback.

If you cut me, do I not bleed?

2011-06-21T00:52:00.003+08:00

So why not? Let's forgive; everyone, everywhere, everything, all the time.
Because
" An eye for an eye and the world goes blind. Life is so short. Harboring resentment, hatred and vengeance is kinda like a double edged sword-- that cuts both the user and its victim. Using all your energy within a lifetime to hate someone who has done you wrong is very tiring. Being angry with someone is punishing yourself with others' mistakes. It eats u up from the inside.

生别人的气，就是拿别人的错误来惩罚自己。
要知道，用一生的精力去恨一个人是很痛苦又累的事。"

Since I was young, I have always been instilled the importance of forgiveness as an essential moral value. Live and let live is what the institutions and my parents have always preached . Each time they broke a promise and wounded my young soul, they will recycle the above fore- mentioned quotes and convince me to forgive them. Being young I didnt know better and accepted what they taught because part of the quotes made so much sense. In fact Anything that rhythms sounds correct and makes sense to a child. Besides, it felt so good to let go of the resentment! Read the stuff I wrote about in my younger years about forgiveness and be astonished at how big my heart used to be.

Let's all want to make this world a better place:

" Everyone should love everyone"

Really?, everyone should love everyone??
I cringe on the verge of nausea, on hindsight and in retrospect at the naivety of my younger days and pages now. Oh wait there's another vengeance post. While I accept the notion that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference, I disagree with the idea of complete forgiveness.

AN eye must be paid for an eye (if not two eyes). Even if u have no eyes to pay, a leg, a finger will also suffice.

It's just that sometimes life is a juggling act and vengeance may not be sought after immediately. At certain points in life, there are different priorities to take care of that take precedence over vengeance-- for example your boss gave you one tight slap and humiliated you but if u want to keep your job you accept that he has authority over u, so for the time being u have to tolerate. The chinese word for tolerance 忍 is actually a dagger stabbed over the heart. With one drop of blood over it.

(忍字怎么写？是一把刀插在心上，加一滴血!)

The hidden wisdom in the chinese character is that u Just havta shelve them vengeance thoughts aside at a corner of ur mind, but when the opportune moment arrives, SEIZE IT and then pay it 10 times back.

Unless the victim is so lucky to die young or never cross my path again, only then can forgiveness be donated as an act of charity. And also the act of having done me wrong cannot be too massive. If it changes my core value, life perspective, if it alters the way I look at things, then WATCH OUT I will make sure the vengeance will be repaid on ur next to kin.

宁我负天下人，莫天下人负我.

Only I can be unkind towards ppl, ppl cannot be unkind towards me.

This post is really sparked by an unpleasant episode at the gym where 2 ugly korean kids ran in and made a mess out of the place and almost broke my water bottle. Being completely absorbed and lost in my own thoughts for half an hour whilst running the treadmill thinking about life, I couldnt snap out of my thinking trance in time and think of the appropriate words to yell at them in time.

All I did was to glare at them for 5 seconds angrily before their (also ugly) dad pulled them away so quickly outside without a word of apology. I couldnt even snap out of my exercise trance in time to mouth any profanities. Angry, I marched upstairs back home and recounted the entire incident to anyone in sight.

Me: Why are parents these days such failures? So weak and such cowards--- instead of reprimanding and righting the child right from wrong, they shy away in cowardice.
Mum: See la, I told u alrdy (referring to an old debate we had last week whether children should be canned). Spare the rod and spoil the child. CHILDREN need to be caned or they will never learn.

Me: Why is life so unfair. I remember when I was young u used to chase me with a cane and yell vomit blood la vomit blood when I couldnt solve the math problem sums or memorise the chinese characters for spelling in time. When I was 5, I decorated out walls and marble floors with creative drawings of crayons and u used to make me kneel against the wall and pull my ears. One time when I was 4, u even locked me up in the balcony for 2 hours till I couldnt hold my bladder. And dad was always threatening to slap me when I was hyper active and all noisy and refuse to stop talking and jumping around.

Why do kids these days have it so easy with their IPHONE, XBOX, PS3.

If only I was borned 2 decades later.

(As u will see, I had a very unhappy childhood and went through bitter adolescent years.
Before the age of 17, I can't ever recall having a conversation with my parents where I didnt walk away feeling worse about myself.
Was it difficut? YES.
Did it make me stronger? U BET IT DID. The entire household , they wipe their ass with my feelings. You can call it a dysfunctional family whatsoever, but my parents justify their methods of teaching by saying that they went through even more horrid stuff than I did. (and they are not kidding)

Above all through a series of trial and errors, life has taught me to bully or be bullied. Always have a voice. The best defense is good offense. Employ sarcasm, satire, and witty humour so that I can still smile in the face of adverse circumstances. In fact, my current frivolous rebellious happy go lucky attitude in life is a direct consequential result of all that oppression I faced when young )

But yeah, after calming myself down, dad suggested that for future references, dont need to get mad. GRAB their parents' water bottle and smash their stuff indeed. Let them know how it feels.

Mum said to yell back immediately: EXCUSE ME, do u know what manners is? Can u please take ur children in hand before I do?

I am still really hopping mad with fumes gushing up to my head, so for future references, here's what I will say.

Only Know how to fuck and give birth dont know how to teach is it? NEXT TIME u want to open ur legs, use a fucking bloody condom.

Still angry man. I usually have quite a high forgiveness and tolerance level but it's really an exception when ppl keep stepping on my tails. fuck the immigration department PAP please STOP IMPORTING CHINA and INDIANS and KOREANS AND FILLIPINOES please I am fucking begging u, you are screwing up the social fabric of our once gracious harmonious society. I am so tempted to quit engineering and go into urban development and planning of singapore so badly now.

ECONOMIC PROGRESS AND EFFICIENCY comes at a price, expense and cost of comfort of us.

WORTH IT???

The Hare and the Tortoise: A New Age Story

2011-06-18T18:39:00.003+08:00

Once upon a time a tortoise and a hare had an argument about who was faster.

They decided to settle the argument with a race. They agreed on a route and started off the race. The hare shot ahead and ran briskly for some time. Then seeing that he was far ahead of the tortoise, he thought he'd sit under a tree for some time and relax before continuing the race. He sat under the tree and soon fell asleep. The tortoise plodding on overtook him and soon finished the race, emerging as the undisputed champ.

The hare woke up and realized that he'd lost the race.

The moral- "Slow and steady wins the race."

This is the version of the story that we've all grown up with.

THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE.

There are few more interesting things.....it continues as follows..... .

The hare was disappointed at losing the race and he did some soul-searching. He realized that he'd lost the race only because he had been overconfident, careless and lax. If he had not taken things for granted, there's no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So he challenged the tortoise to another race. The tortoise agreed. This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping from start to finish. He won by several miles.

The moral - " Fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady. It's good to be slow and steady; but it's better to be fast and reliable."

THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE.

The tortoise did some thinking this time, and realized that there's no way it can beat the hare in a race the way it was currently formatted.

It thought for a while, and then challenged the hare to another race, but on a slightly different route. The hare agreed. They started off. In keeping with his self-made commitment to be consistently fast, the hare took off and ran at top speed until he came to a broad river. The finishing line was a couple of kilometres on the other side of the river.

The hare sat there wondering what to do. In the meantime the tortoise trundled along, got into the river, swam to the opposite bank, continued walking and finished the race.

The moral - "First identify your core competency and then change the

playing field to suit your core competency."

THE STORY STILL HASN'T ENDED.

The hare and the tortoise, by this time, had become pretty good friends and they did some thinking together.

Both realized that the last race could have been run much better So they decided to do the last race again, but to run as a team this time.

They started off, and this time the hare carried the tortoise till the riverbank. There, the tortoise took over and swam across with the hare on his back. On the opposite bank, the hare again carried the tortoise and they reached the finishing line together. They both felt a greater sense of satisfaction than they'd felt earlier.

The moral - "It's good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies; but unless you're able to work in a team and harness each other's core competencies, you'll always perform below par because there will always be situations at which you'll do poorly and someone else does well.

Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership. Note that neither the hare nor the tortoise gave up after failures. The hare decided to work harder and put in more effort after his failure. The tortoise changed his strategy because he was already working as hard as he could."

In life, when faced with failure, sometimes it is appropriate to work harder and put in more effort.

Sometimes it is appropriate to change strategy and try something different.

And sometimes it is appropriate to do both.

The hare and the tortoise also learnt another vital lesson. When we stop competing against a rival and instead start competing against the situation, we perform far better.

Careless Whisper

2011-06-18T18:35:00.000+08:00

I read the world in retrospect

2011-06-17T18:31:00.000+08:00

It's subconsciously analyzing everything -- like watching people, and wondering - who their cousins are, what their childhood was like, what they want(ed) to grow up to be, what they dreamt of last night. Except applying it. To Everything. To every intricacy in the world. I just want to know if people feel the same as me.

Top of the World

2011-06-09T13:37:00.005+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFYK8NKErS8

I feel so good right now.

I have succeeded in spite of difficulties, (not in the absence of difficulties)

My high confidence is regained once more!

hahahahahahahahah will suffice for now while I make a bid in attempting to calm my elated rapture so that my emotions do not cloud judgment later. (Control your emotions so they dont control you)

The past few weeks have been an extension of a hedonistic lifestyle chasing pleasure at its max well ridded of responsibilities. Sleeping erratic hours at 5am waking up past noon, engaging in sensual pleasures, eating whenever I felt like it, zero exercise, shopping, catching up with friends, reading good books, tv and movie marathons for as long up till 8-10 hours a day if I were in the mood. It felt good anyhow but I think I should stop soon (1 more week k I deserve this good life haha).

Results today and best semester ever, thank you all whom I have confided in and lent a listening ear. Thank you whoever who always reminded me to plant my feet on the ground whilst my head were high in the clouds dreaming away (you know who u are who read this) I still want to say , it took me so much effort to eat humble pie, go the extra mile to make sure I talk to all the course coordinators/ lecturers.

I have seen more now, and I have come to realise that if ur lucky, and speak in the right tone and manner, some engineering professors can, and will help. I cannot say so for the arts though. Most of them are losers who... (ok I shall drop it and leave it at that.)

Celebrate first, enjoy, then think about repaying.

Both gratitude and enmity.

Oh watch me.

Now I have to go think abt what I really want in life.
AGAIN.

It gets tiring sometimes.

Too soon old, too late smart

2011-06-08T03:13:00.006+08:00

I want to know what passion is.

I want to feel something strongly.

I wish... I didnt know now what I didnt know then

So damn charming

2011-06-06T03:01:00.000+08:00

Heard this joke once

2011-06-02T17:17:00.007+08:00

Man goes to a doctor.Says he's depressed.

Life seems harsh and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great Clown Pagliacci is in town tonight.
Go and see him.
That should pick u up.

Man bursts into tears.
Says " But, doctor...

I am Pagliacci"

Good joke. Everybody laughs.

Curtains.

Living it the only way I know how.

2011-06-02T17:02:00.004+08:00

Yes,
living life through a bout serials of trial and errors banking on luck is tiring.

Because trying isn't free,
because it costs time and money.

But what's worse is settling and never knowing what could (or could not) have been.
I give myself 2 years. One step closer, one elimination at a time.

Ultimately what counts, is to make this life counts.

It is too short to squander on doing things which nibbles at your soul.

A pity most ppl dont realize it soon enough or lack the courage to venture forth.

Sometimes u have to roll the dice a little

A pity this cannot last.

On smoking

2011-06-01T04:17:00.002+08:00

It acts so much as an esoteric social lubricant.

Not prudent to indulge excessively, but not wise to abstain completely either

Places I can't go yet

2011-06-01T00:33:00.000+08:00

I am young, I have dreams.
I have places I want to be.
Someday I wanna travel the world.
Tonight I'll give you all a glimpse of all my dreams.

\All that and more/

America Land Of Liberty

Amsterdam

Atlanta City

Bangkok (ok been here when I was around 11, no big deal )

Las Vegas

Big Ben

Paris

Colorado River

Dubai UAE

Egyptian Pyramids

Eiffel Tower

Frankfurt

Golden Gate Bridge

Helsinki Finland

Hedonism Hollywood

Italy, Venice (Rome)

Lake Michigan

London Trafalgar Square

Louvre Museum Paris

Louvre Pavillion

Manhattan

New York Brooklyn Bridge

North Pole

Olympia Temple Of Zeus

Paris

San Diego

San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge

Tokyo (been here when I was 15, it's greater than it looks)

Spain Architecture

Swiss Alps

Venice

what I want out of life, a degree will not suffice.

what a degree wants out of me, I will not give.

It works both ways .

you just dont know it yet, but u will someday.

"Who Understands Me But Me"

2011-05-31T01:42:00.003+08:00

They turn the water off, so I live without water.
They build walls higher, so I live without treetops.
They paint the windows black, so I live without sunshine.
They lock my cage, so I live without going anywhere.

They take each last tear I have, I live without tears.
They take my heart and rip it open, I live without heart.
They take my life and crush it, so I live without a future.
They say I am beastly and fiendish, so I have no friends
They stop up each hope, so I have no passage out of hell.
They give me pain, so I live with pain.
They give me hate, so I live with my hate.
They have changed me, and I am not the same (wo)man.
They give me no shower, so I live with my smell.
They separate me from my brothers, so I live without brothers.
Who understands me when I say this is beautiful?
Who understands me when I say I have found other freedoms?

I cannot fly or make something appear in my hand.
I cannot make the heavens open or the earth tremble.
I can live with myself, and I am amazed at myself, my love, my beauty.
I am taken by my failures, astounded by my fears.
I am stubborn and childish in the midst of the wreckage of life they incurred.
I practice being myself, and I have found parts of myself never dreamed of by me.
They were goaded out from under rocks in my heart

When the walls were built higher,
When the water was turned off and windows painted black.
I followed these signs like an old tracker and followed the tracks deep into myself,
Followed the blood-spotted path,
Deeper into dangerous regions and found so many parts of myself,
Who taught me water is not everything,
And gave me new eyes to see through walls.
And when they spoke, sunlight came out of their mouths,
And I was laughing at me with them.
We laughed like children and made pacts to always be loyal.

Who understands me when I say this is beautiful?

"who u are today is the choice u made yesterday"

A heart that hurts, is a heart that works

The choice is yours alone.

2011-05-28T13:44:00.001+08:00

It's what I live for!

3 hours to sundown 10km and I havent trained!

Truth is, I know for a fact that I am not getting younger but I just really enjoy pushing boundaries and limits- With others, with myself.

I thrive I feed on the adrenaline and dopamine rush.

Because afterall what is 10km compared to the 42km I did 2 yrs ago right?

Not even a substantial fraction of it!

Be back with photos if I survive hahaha.

This too shall pass

2011-05-24T00:19:00.007+08:00

Sometimes, doing what's good and what's right may not be the same thing.

I take minimum comfort in doing the right things good, and the good things right.

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to live life as one big holiday never having to worry about finances & being a total dependent without repercussions and consequences.

Just sometimes.

A letter to the future

2011-05-23T20:01:00.000+08:00

Dear Chance of the future,

Best of luck.

I hope by now you've learned how to make friends.

I also hope that you've become the person you've always wanted to be. You know, that charming mysterious girl with respectable taste in music and a queer habit of wearing jeans too often. And if ur living paycheck to paycheck (with occasional loans from mum and dad)

it's okay! Keep your chin up. Just be happy. okay? because these are the prime years of your life. Don't let that freak u out, though.

Just don't forget to live, alright? Get out of bed in the morning. I know u may have trouble with that. Go for a run and then eat a delicious breakfast while watching the sun rise. Dance around (insert living situation here) listening to some lovely acoustic.

Go kiss a boy, or girl! & walk in the park. Read a book while you are there. Travel. Light candles and write in their warmth.

Brighten up the world with your smile.
Paint a picture, talk to someone new.
Just don't forget to LIVE, CHANCE.

You always forget the important things. Don't go hating yourself, it's a waste of time. Let the feelings motivate you to change for the better.

I believe in you!

(and I am the only one that matters)

You 're doing great.

LOTS OF LOVE.

Who am I exactly?

2011-05-23T19:39:00.034+08:00

I am the unfortunate unwilling,
led by the unqualified ,
to do the unnecessary, for the ungrateful.

Pretty much sums up my pst 2 yrs in engineering. And soooo I am seeking greener pastures. I can do myself so much better than this. Here's some open advice to all out there who are in the same plight--- I will admire your perseverance if u choose to press on, but also sympathize for your lack of courage to climb out of this shit hole and change. The future is scary, no matter, but you can't entrap and enslave yourself in the sucky past just because it's familiar. 2 years? so what?

There is a second chance to choose differently. To overcome these circumstances and your hurt. Some things you are better off without, get rid of them while you can. If your on the wrong path, turn back before u walk into an abyss of darkness. Before it's too late.今天的迟疑会造成明天的后悔. Don't waste more time, dont waste more money in that unqualified place. I am here to tell u you deserve so much more. Our power is in our ability to decide. You can make all the changes u want to make in life, you just have to start.

Don't settle for sub-optimal situations.

You must not work hard to get what you don't want.

I shall be free!

My joy has no regard for my circumstances,

because it's afterall my own individual journey

Chuck Lorre Vanity Cards #260

2011-05-23T02:20:00.000+08:00

FASHION TRENDS

Dead is the new unambiguous. Bipolar is the new undecided. Heavily armed is the new born again. Bald is the new head... and the new crotch. Hairy is the new face. Sheepishly admitting to having an STD is the new flirting. Purell is the new face of fear. Finding the time that's right for you is the new impotence. The smiley-face emoticon is the new "sincerely yours." Smoking is the new outdoorsy lifestyle. Looking forward to insanely expensive private schooling, thousand dollar a week nannies and soccer is the new yuppie birth control. Misinformed is the new patriotic. Veganism is the new "tastes like chicken." Serotonin uptake inhibiting is the new crowd control. Texting is the new talking. Talking is the new singing. Singing is the new hubris. Gay marriage is the new "be careful what you wish for." And finally, and only because I really need this to catch on, fifty-seven years old is the new forty-five.

I love Hedonism Hollywood.

heidi klum

2011-05-19T22:49:00.001+08:00

I am charmed.

It's not what I didnt feel,

2011-05-18T21:19:00.000+08:00

It's what I didnt show.

"Then dry my tears and keep on walking,

till the motion makes me strong"

I do try so very hard.

That 70's show

2011-05-17T01:21:00.001+08:00

Yerkes- Dodson Law

2011-05-16T22:55:00.008+08:00

How To Be The Best You Can Be
( Arousal- Performance) Curve

The Yerkes–Dodson law is an empirical relationship governing productivity involving arousal and performance. The learning curve dictates that initially, performance increases with physiological or mental arousal, but only up to a point. When levels of arousal become too high, performance decreases. The process is often illustrated graphically as a curvilinear, inverted U-shaped curve.

You might think of arousal and cognitive levels as fluid in a glass. If you put too much in of any ingredient, the glass overflows. If you do put too little in, you are not using the glass to its fullest capabilities. And if you put the wrong ingredients in, but the glass is full, then it does not taste good.
What does this mean?
Control and limit your environmental arousal factors-- such as noise level, temperature, comfort, etc. This allows you to put more arousal factors that are beneficial to learning without going into arousal overload.
In the zone

How do you know when you have reached the optimum arousal point for your learners? In sports, a player who is playing great is at the optimum arousal point and is said to be "in the zone." Achieving the optimum arousal level in a training environment puts students in the Learning Zone:

They become totally involved in the learning process by centering in on the task to be learned as non-learning stressors have been eliminated.

They loose self-consciousness of the fear they might fail and gain a desire to succeed as their emotions are now tied to the learning environment. Failing becomes challenges because they become more adaptive to the learning environment and they believe the learning environment will "fine tune" itself to meet their needs.

They have clear visions of what the task to be learned can provide as they know how it will help them in their future endeavors.

They have a sense of being in control of their learning environment as they are ripe for learning (they are NOT just going through the motions).

They become more intrinsically motivated (self-directed) because they want to learn the task (their focus is on the task rather than reward and punishment).

The optimum level of arousal allows one to go from this to this.

Thus, each task has an optimal level of arousal and the level of arousal includes anxiety, attention, agitation, stress, and motivation. The trainer's job is to help each learner reach their optimal level of arousal so that their focus is totally on the task to be learned.

I just exited and concluded a day with 5HOURS worth of exam papers. I overstudied for maths statistics and overestimated my opitmal arousal level. IMAGINE and picture the pain of HAVING YOUR answer written correctly the first time and then have your panicking self correct it to a wrong one later.

2 TIMES. 2 QNS.

DAMN.

You don't know how it feels, the pain and agony of going through the irritating nasal voices of engineering lecturers trying to read subtexts rewinding lectures online trying to spot exam hints. I gave more than my best, if this doesn't work I wanna quit engineering.

Diana Ross

2011-05-12T00:40:00.002+08:00

" I wanna change the world, only for you."

Last night's the last time.

2011-05-11T21:12:00.001+08:00

I hate feeling so helpless trapped by circumstances in situations I can't control.

I am going to do something about it.
I will improve.

要能人所不能才有价值。
命运我掌握，永不低头！

This is it.

"Lebe deinen traum, jedoch träume nicht dein Leben".

2011-05-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

That is the german equivalent of
Live your dream, but don't dream your life.

Tonight, I am sorry to myself. For 20 years of underachievment always, for not doing what I love, for allowing myself to settle for less than what I deserve. I will keep the personal stuff vague, but I am trying to average out a B for all my engineering cores this semester, or my life for the next 1-2 years will take a different course. If otherwise it's meant to be that something else is my calling, I will embrace life as it comes with a courageous attitude. Maybe it's time for a change of environment out of this dull aching uninspiring one.

These days they grow few and far between,
The person I am and who I want to be.
You know what they say some times
"Your everything is everything but enough."

i want power in my words,

i want passion in my eyes.

and when i wake up,

i want life to be a surprise.

So this is how it feels.

I am standing here,

2011-05-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

but all I want, is to be over there.

Big bird in a small cage

2011-05-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

Baby have some trust in trust.

2011-05-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

This shall be the last political post before the upcoming election, because frankly all that debates and agitation of emotions are spiraling out of control.

Truthfully speaking, arguing relentlessly about which party should WIN is akin towards arguing for one's favourite colour. The argument could spark on forever like a fire which fuels itself, people can change sides (or colours) --- because everyone has their own preferences and opinions, and a different way of judging and looking at things.

Yet because we are voting for a common future towards how our country is to be run, this decision impacts us collectively as a whole, and we see a lot of people trying to convince each other that their "opinion and preferences" is the best and right one. In the absence of adequate vocabulary and proper skills to express themselves, vulgarities are spewed instead.

Thankfully, the barrier of entries and barricades towards entering politics is set up quite high--- you need to have at least maintained a fairly decent reputation and image, armed with 16k and at least 8 supporters, so by right, most candidates who are contesting should have achieved some sort of accomplishment and be of a certain caliber and substance right?

(You just have to trust it is so, because even if they stole/ cheated the 16k from someone, they are still that good to have succeeded in cheating. even if they are hypocrites who live behind masks to maintain a reputation, do u know how tiring and how much effort that takes to not live as yourself?) So we concur that THEY ARE GOOD.

Ultimately, I trust the wisdom of crowds. Opposition or PAP. (Personally, I like SDP's plans) . Whether you are voting on the safer shore for a more experienced party, or voting to venture out to an unknown shore. As Xiaxue has put it bluntly across: "How do I know if the opposition will not fuck it up worse than it is now? good enough is good enough."

OR IS IT? If good enough is good enough, we would never have progressed from walkie-talkie to your blackberry, iphone 3g to iphone 4, ipad to ipad2.

The answer to the first question nevertheless, is well you don't. You either choose to believe or choose not to. The future's not ours to see until it has happened. Just as in the 60s, we placed our faith in the PAP. In 2011, it's time to pick sides and faith again and then live with our judgment for the next 5 years.

It has been brought up that George Yeo has done a lot for our country such as implementing free trade agreements with japan and other countries in the region, yet his contributions are not duly recognized. Can I get a high-five towards the importance of claiming credit not responsibility in project work (HEHE). In politics just as in project work in school, you can't just do something good for the country, keep quiet on the pretext of being humble and expect ppl to appreciate you. You need to let them know what you have done to help them.

This just goes to translate the lack of transparency once again anyway.

But ok, let's not go there since my break time online is limited.

Maybe just maybe, Marine Parade (lorong chuan area) isn't doing that badly la. SMGOH did bring us the circle line. Nicole Seah is still young and we will certainly see more of her in years to come, but SMGOH does not have much years left to serve? PAP will not be forever, but at least the traditional mindset here in Singapore is still resistant to change and venturing, maybe they are not ready yet. But it will come someday.

Nothing is set in stone.
(genuinely if u ask me though, I will still insist that the older mps should give way to the young)

Whatever it turns out for the election, good or bad, we will face the choice we made together as a country with regards to democracy. Sorry may not be the cure, but yes it is the first step.

United we stand, Divided we fall.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
-Albert Einstein

Everybody wants to rule the world

Thoughts on Opposition: Part 2

2011-05-03T17:00:00.000+08:00

1) We are a country, not a company

Welcoming a healthy dosage of opposition seats in the Parliament does not imply that we are ungrateful. It is common acknowledgement that PAP has had successful contributions with excellent policies, I will not be who I am today without the solid foundation they gave us. But what if they have alrdy given all they had. what if a younger generation( like myself hahaha) whom they helped to nurture and raise can now do a better job, using the foundation they gave us???

Isn't it time to step aside and hand over the reins slowly? Let us take care of you =)

For some members in the Parliament, it is high time to retire and go enjoy life after giving so much

2) As we move along in life, we need to look forward into the future. Be proud of your past contributions, but don't overharp on it. What has worked in the past, may not work for today. What will work for today may not necessarily work for tomorrow. Like old furniture, any political party needs to be able to withstand the test of time or risk being replaced.

The ideal scenario is to pick out a government to help Singapore be the best we can be.

3) This has been said so many times: But an issue I would like to see addressed are the ministers' salary.
It needs to be revised, period. Address the injustice and inequality of wages. Just for one week if you are one of the privileged who drives to work, try taking the train during weekdays during peak hours. 5 DAYS straight no cheating. You will understand how it feels about how the unhappiness towards the influx of foreigners. Kindly please visit lee hsien loong's wikipedia page and compare his salary to President Obama from the United States. Address the rich poor divide

4) Progress is important, but at what expense?

" While growing the GDP is important for any country, it is a means to an end. That end is to provide a better life for its people. Good govt find ways to keep the GDP growing so that wealth will be more evenly distributed - that is sustainable growth. You can always make your GDP grow by brute force like importing people in large numbers and allowing vices such as gambling but what does that do to society...does it benefit the people? Australia is a popular country. They too can chalk up higher economic growth by opening the floodgates to Asian immigrants but that will not be good for Australians if the numbers are not well managed. For many Singaporeans, their wages have remained stagnant and older Singaporeans have to suffer structural unemployment because Singapore Inc pursues GDP as an end goal" .

Source: http://singaporemind.blogspot.com/

5) Against the policies, not the party

" Create the ordinary class, a mass of obedient citizens who aren't equipped to engage well in public, and keep them at arm's length. Should they start to speak up and oppose, point out their flaws and lack of pedigree, highlight to them the risk of losing material wealth, HDB upgrades, etc. That's how the PAP works. In case one hasn't noticed, the foreign talent policy is just a way to achieve this end, that creates an even bigger divide between the elites and ordinary folks as we now speak".

6) If I had the power to change, I think it's also high time to change our National Anthem too.
Consider : Home by Kit Chan (original version 1997 on youtube not the 39 artists version)

Thoughts on the Upcoming election and Local Political Scene

2011-05-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

I have been and am busy with exams, no time to attend rallies, but I have opinions so I will try to keep this brilliantly succinct .

The Importance of Opposition
The ideal healthy political power distribution is anywhere between 60-40 to 70-30.

1) In the absence of competition, without regulation and periodic checks, discipline is bound to disappear and sloppy work is condoned in a downward spiral, quality suffers. This applies to any existing ruling field-- in academics, politcs, or businesses. At the most basic level of an organization, it is afterall still made up of human individuals. Being human, we have a tendency to slack off without challenges or competition.

2) There is this saying: Be thankful for what you have. While it is true that PAP has done a fairly decent job fufilling most of our country's basic needs, is it wrong to want to give other alternatives a shot and see what others have to offer? Don't try never know, right? WHY should I sacrifice a whole forest to live under the same tree for my whole life??? It is silly to ouright dismiss any opposition jeering and smearing that "They say only"

You need to give them a chance to show you what they can do right???? VOTE THEM IN. (BUT not all of them in la la k)

The time is long ripe to up and strengthen the competitiveness in Singapore's local political scenes.

3) " if everything is running smoothly, dont change anything"
If everyone were always SO RESISTANT to change , we would never have progressed. In the 1960's, people commuted by BICYCLES. so your mindset is, hey my bicycle is working perfectly fine, why must we build trains, why must we buy cars, why must we travel by airplanes. Hello, this is the information age, we are living in the cutting edge of innovation! Because improvement is always good, DAMMIT!
Old Chinese saying 知足常乐, u need to be grateful to be happy.
But I say Contentment breeds satisfaction breeds stagnant of progress. There is a reason why the saying is old.

2) It is true that there is only one steering wheel, and there can only be 1 driver at a time. But we need to know WE HAVE OPTIONS. you can't have the same old driver who keeps on driving and hogging the seat for 100 years, he will get tired, he will die someday. Don't outlive your usefulness *COUGH AHEM COUGH* someone tanjong pagar???

3)竞选竞选，要有选择才可以选!

Blind brutal Elimination, ruling with an iron hand does not work in the new information technology age.

May the best team wins for ALL GRCS.

I live in Marine Parade GRC , and quite frankly only and only in my honest opinion, most of us are quite torn between PAP's party led by SMGOH (old guy has experience hey gotta give him credit) and NSP spotlighted by nicole seah. There is something about nicole seah standing up and outfront as a young voice which speaks and connects at ease.

Tin Pei Ling on the other hand is not worth a mention.
(waste my energy typing on the keyboard lol)
see and hear and compare the passion between TPL AND NRS

The pressing question remains:

Do you vote in a new party just because it has someone u really admire and like, and would love to see succeed, but all along with 3 free-riders?

or would you be conservative and safe and vote for the older, more experienced party headed by SMGOH with someone u intensely dislike (tin pei ling who else) and would hate to see her succeed.

Do u marry someone ur not so acquainted with an so-so family?

or

Do you marry someone familiar with a very annoying aunt that u have to live with?

OK BAD EXAMPLE. I try again kay.

I will work it out in MATHEMATICAL economical VALUE

COST BENEFIT ANALYSIS.
Assigning CREDIT to each party
Net value for each individuals

NSP:
Nicole Seah +8 (excellent speaking skills , young, nice quotes)
Goh Meng Seng +5
Never heard of the rest: -2

NSP NET WORTH: 11

PAP:
SM GOH + 12
Tin Pei Ling -10
Dr Fatimah Lateef, +5 ( doctor accolate definite plus)
Mr Seah Kian Peng +1 (never really heard of)
Brigadier-General Tan Chuan Jin +2 ( credit pap for diversity to include a general)

PAP NET WORTH: 10

There you have my answer.

The Breakfast Club

2011-05-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

I feel like I am John Bender in the show.

Heart-breaking.

I wish I was.

2011-05-01T20:38:00.001+08:00

I wish I was beautiful, lovely and perfect. I wish I was everything I want to be without even trying. I'm dreaming so hard. &Ive been waiting for so long. If I can't be anything good, then I want someone to love me and tell me I am.

Nerd's Lair

2011-05-01T20:37:00.000+08:00

It's official.

My room has degenerated yet again into a cumbersome state of mess in the midst of exams. I breath and live as a hermit who leaves the room only to take occassional seasonal breaks to undergo the most fundamental necessary mechanisms to sustain life: eat shit shower and exercise.

Oh believe it.

Answer the question.

2011-05-01T20:29:00.001+08:00

What does success means to you?
Everyone wants to be extraordinary. Nobody wants to be mediocre. But at what point in your life do you begin to realize that being extraordinary is no longer inbred but something you consciously make an effort to be? Putting in the extra mile, persevering half an hour longer, sleeping an hour lesser every night to get ahead of your peers. Speaking from the long standing grounds of reality,we don't just get something because we want it, sometimes and sadly most of the time, you have to work for it.

Like Disneyland, achieving the ultimate success in life, is a commonly craved, yearned, and highly sought after destination to most people (even though it's not for everyone). Now first of all if you have a destination to get to, you need a journey to get there.

And before you can embark on a journey towards your destination, you need to choose the place you want to go and which route you are gonna take. First you define the pathway of success. What exactly is it that you hope to achieve and squeeze out of life? What is the single pursuit that will energize you, consume you, become an obsession, and make you rise with a restless enthusiasm each day?

How are you going to get there? Does the ends justify the means? Do you want the comfortable shortest route or the most fufilling meaningful route? do you do things the smart way, or the right way? How much can you shelve aside your conscience to get where you want/

In life more often than not there is more than one route, but you can only choose one. There is no one single right or wrong answer. Everyone has different answers. Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. You just need to know where to search.
Decide what counts, what truly matters and prioritise. Burn bridges that you have no use for.

Pre-empt what lies ahead: "I/f you fail to plan you plan to fail, and hey, we are talkin about the pathway to success here, so think ahead!

Decide how much time are u willing to invest, how long is it going to take you, what are the obstacles and traffic lights u may encounter along the way, what are the sacrifices(family, relationships souring, giving up leisure, taking up part time tuition odd jobs to finance you passions, hardening of cold hearts) you are willing to make, to get to where you want to be. Often chance and luck factors count along the way, but ultimately it boils down to persistence.

" Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not-- unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not--- the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race".

-A well said quote

Understanding and Acceptance.

Everyone is motivated by something different via MBTI socionics hidden agendas--- whether is it status, money, responsibility, job satisfaction, challenges, recognition and fame, freedom, appreciation. Know what you want so you can work for what you want and get what you want by steering yourself towards that life direction. Know what others want and what drives someone so you can exchange for what you want.

if something is worth doing, it's worth doing right.

Back to myself --- So what does success means to you
For me, I define personal success as maximizing personal utility and happiness, being engaged in a few healthy fufilling relationships. I believe that every human being only has a finite amount of time to spend and we can either use it to develop breadth scope or depth. You can invest the time and develop it, either choose to have a few very close friends, or many shallow acquaintances an do social networking. Most of the time I am friendly genial to those who cross my way and I try to adjust myself somewhere in between the extreme spectrums. Moderation is always healthy.

I strive to be constantly improving, growing, learning as a person within my finite mortal lifetime and absorb in as many life experiences and knowledge as I can till I become a saturated sponge.

Where it applies, I also enjoy re-shaping the social structure and environment of institutions and society, experiment deviations and challenge pre-existing social conventions to improve it.

One day I hope to be able to say that I can have whatever and whomever I want whenever and wherever however I like it, and know it to be true. All men and women will want to be me, and with me. (Greedy I know, but did you know greed is a form of motivation as well? leave that to other days)

Not so simple still

For each extra day I spend in engineering, time and again I am continuously harassed on the concept of humility and reminded of how human I am-- mere flesh and blood. Finite time alive implies limitations. Physical biological constraints dictate that I have to set aside finite time within my finite life to do certain chores to sustain the gift of life-- eating shitting sleeping. SOMETIMES u have to do things you don't want, to get what u want.

This idea itself makes me very unhappy.

Because there are so many ideas and things and people. Too many directions to go. Each path I decide on I cannot help but keep thinking about opportunity costs and opportunity lost. All the possibilities not taken. I always wonder about the path(s) not taken. This mentality shapes motivates and molds me to chase after breadth instead of depth. Jack of all trades and master of none. It cripples handicaps and prevents me from pursuing depth within a specialisation. I get bored easily. In fact I was almost starting to believe the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size.

From which brings me back to the importance of specialisation. Would u rather scrape the surface superficially of various many subject fields? or PURSUE FIERCELY and become imba(lancely) professional in a single field. Speaking from the standpoint of the individual's mental and physical health and well-being, I will choose moderation to ensure growth in all aspects equally.

But in the contexture of society where a community lives together, we learn about the reaping benefits of efficiency --economies of scale. I forgot most after the a levels, but the skeletal concept remains as given in the example of mass production (look at CHINA coughs*), when u produce in bulk, ur workers become adept at the job after continous repetition of the same job, DO it often, do it well ==> efficiency goes up.

So which way do I choose? Disciplined specialisation which will most likely ensure success-- to be the best u can be in a field but gurantee unhappiness and ultimate boredom at the end,

OR spontaneous generalization which makes me excited elate and satisfied about life but probably not as successful? Given the conscious choice to make a decision, would u rather be an extraordinary professional, but unhappy at your job or mediocre but content doing all the things u enjoy doing? It depends on what you want out of life I guess. For believers in a higher power, I suppose they will choose specialisation because it yeilds Job satisfaction-- which is impt because u all think that life must have a purpose. Hence "fufilling what your god's plans?"

But for subscribers to hedonism and utilitarianism like me who believe we should enjoy the most out of life and experience all we could, I guess we are doomed to a life of under-achievement from infinite distractions. As a student of life for the past say 20 years and still counting, since my parents literally feeds and clothes me, I didnt have to worry so much about making a living. The choice is simpler and immediate. I selfishly choose instant gratification. I do what I damn well please. I am talented at last minute effort as well.

But rude reality awakens. 人终究要醒. it's a selfish life to live and my parents are not going to be there forever. I have to be independent and feed myself. To earn money, I have to work for it. Having to work implies the introductions of more constraints---having to follow schedules, social expectations to act a certain way in organisations. And at tertiary level when everyone else possess a certain level of aptitude and iq, it is a lot harder to do last min work and be on the right side of the bell curve.

I always say

Student 1: Success= Aptitude(x)+ Attitude + Luck

Student 2: Success= Aptitude(x)+ Attitude + Luck

Assume 2 students with roughly the same aptitude. The only other variable u can control is ur attitude.

In university, the HARDWORKING student always wins. Every single DAMN TIME.

So sad but true

Such is the absurdities and atrocities of life. The other day my 11 yr old tuition kid asked: "Why do humans have to die? If only we can live forever, we can be everything we want to be, we can do everything we want to do? Life will be so great."

I gave her the only truthful answer I knew and always knew. " It's just the way life works. But I suppose if life is infinite and goes on forever, there will come a point in time and history where humans gain the ability to learn and experience everything within this world within our 5 sensory ranges. Everyone has the ability to be, experience and learn everything.

Which will make the world a homogenous and boring place "

She huh-ed, of course.

What am I doing currently ?
I am studying full time as a electrical engineering undergraduate student @NTU in Singapore, my home country and may I add that I hate it to my guts. It's partly my fault for not working hard enough for a levels, not being able to secure a scholarship and MOST OF ALL not figuring out what I would like to do at the tender age of 18 whilst others had twice my maturity and knew exactly what they want.

Constraints stopping me from quitting and do what I want:

There is the "Too much invested to quit syndrome" How do u know when to quit? Just because I don't think it is right for me? How do I justify all the time effort and years of suffering (ok 2 years) that I devoted? " BUT You have come so far"

Finance issue
This is tricky. Always Great to be young, sucks to be poor. Nothing sucks more than being a poor student constantly bullied and treaded upon by others and snobbed at by the tai-tais and sales-girls at orchard road.
At this point in life, I can safely say that money is the constraint to ALL MY FREEDOM towards everything I can be and what I want to do.

I am on partial student loans towards OCBC and my parents are still paying my school fees which amount up to an approximate 3k per semester. They pay the bills, they (think they) deserve and earn the right to speak the loudest at home and try to poke in all my affairs. THIS SUCKS. Living on a 400$ allowance PER MONTH is no fun at all, you have to reject 90% of social invitations to have fun, citing different excuses to not offend, because almost going anywhere cost money, you get no social life you don't get to go shopping for clothes and shoes or buy new books to improve general knowledge ( instead you download pdf versions from google and read from latop) and for leisure you watch 80% of all your movies ONLINE instead of the therapeutic cinema experience.

It sucks to have a gambling addict as a dad who rather spend more money on Singapore Pools than to help you improve your standard of living. He says it's his money he decides how he spends it. A lazy hausefrau mutter (practicing German) who lives better than you do. And then u watch them practives favouritsm towards your sister and become ulitmately miserable.

Just last month I started giving tuition again because I am not accustomed to such inferior quality low-life living, I am not born in AFRICA for goodness sake. And I am earning about 300$ extra / mth and next mth it will be 600$ extra.

Above all, god I really hate the course I am in now, and through a series of research and smart trial and errors yes I finally figured out what I wanted to study.

I want to do political science.

It took me so much effort to organize how I really felt.

PART 2 SHALL be on " Do not confuse talent with passion. And Passion Vs self-discipline.

MBTI
SJ TYPES WILL COMPLAIN THAT I SAY ONLY.
what's the use of knowing all these without applying them?

It's just the way I am.

(...To be continued because this is hell week and
I have 3 CA and 1 lab report to complete by tuesday...)

How to teach well

2011-05-01T20:28:00.001+08:00

In my 17 years of schooling since nursery, I've had tasted both spectrum s of fantastic as well as bad shares of experiences with educators, and having taught private tuition for 1 year here and there now to earn extra income, here are my valuable insights. Professors, lecturers, current teachers, take heed.

Today I'm going to teach you how to teach.

So listen and pay attention well.

1. "It's all about presentation".

I'm sure u have heard. Teaching today, is not so much about how much you know at the back of your hand, but rather how well u can impart . In your free time, shave spaces and time aside to improve on your body posture, tone of voice and eye contact. These are all aspects to improve your charm and it's definitely worth the effort. Learn a few jokes at hand and employ sarcasm occasionally.

2. Start being interesting, instead of being interested.

Do not over-rely on the enthusiasm and responses of the class/crowd (students). You are the presenter, you set the tone and mood and atmosphere of the class that u want which makes you comfortable, not them. If u crack a few jokes and they don't laugh, don't be discouraged and keep trying. They might be just slow to warm up. Have confidence in yourself, quiet confidence. The students can sense it.

Students today belong to the information technology age, no matter how much u dislike it, times have changed. The usage of internet search engines is rampant, rapid and still on the rise, quite frankly students do not need you to recite the whole textbook. Because we have the internet now, we also tend to respect teachers less. Do not be threatened when you hear your student present challenges to your teaching
eg. " oh really? but I read online on wikipedia yesterday..... bla bla.... it argues a whole different story altogether"

Be open to discussions and arguments in class. You will be surprised how often you can learn from your students too.

3. Make statements rather than pop open questions to the floor. The latter will result in awkward silences because no one knows if it is rhetorical and crowd is always shy especially in asian countries. Social stigma and peer pressure among teenagers also dictates that over-enthu students who try to be the teachers' pet be ostracised and disliked. If you have to assign questions, allocate specific and designated students to answer them. "John, what is the difference between divergence and curl in vectors?"

4. Play to ur strengths, avoid displays of weakness. Dont say " I am only a part-timer, anyone can help me?? All your respect if there is any in the first place vanishes in a poof. I have a few lecturers teaching electives who does that and I chuckle every single damn time.

5. Set boundaries. Do not let your students climb above you. Mete out rewards and punishments fairly. Organize and discipline. Stick to schedules but be flexible sometimes. (This part I can't master even though I know it's important)

6. Shower compliments generously. Even motivators need motivation, much less a bunch of rowdy teenagers, so fresh to life? Teenagers are naive,easy to win over, quick to trust and it's easy to get them to like you, I am speaking first hand raw having just grown out of that phase.

7. Assume rapport. Tell stories of your own. Or make some up. "When I was your age, I love to do this do that too." I love doing that to my students. Let them know that you are human too.

Perfect this art and become exceptional teachers even though you may not have been the best students yourselves. I practice personal charm on all my students and secretly smile inside when their eyes lit up to see me. I love to be loved.

Next post shall be titled- how to be a teacher's pet. Getting your teachers to like you. It's less obvious than it seems to most ppl. If I have time.

2011-05-01T20:27:00.001+08:00

I m slowly but surely improving.

2011-05-01T20:26:00.005+08:00

I miss feeling like anything is possible.

I miss feeling infinite

I miss you.

What is so good about a morning?

2011-04-29T08:01:00.000+08:00

please don't greet me that.

2011-04-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

"I feel that sometimes nobody's ever held me down and
forced me to cry or made me hug them, or got to the inside of me.
It's like I say, " 'Oh I'm fine' " and I walk away, and
nobody has ever said " 'No you're not' "

-Angelina Jolie

2011-04-28T18:25:00.000+08:00

What nourishes me also destroys me.

so high i can hear heaven, but heaven won't hear me.

2011-04-28T01:59:00.000+08:00

I don't have any talents. I used to be so ahead of my peers. And I think I stayed in one place, even regressed, while everyone else slowly but steadily progressed.

Being young

2011-04-26T16:57:00.000+08:00

you do very stupid things, and the Internet has given us a way to publicly document our mistakes.

Yet mistakes are inevitable and part and parcel of life. It shouldn't rob us of the courage nor deter us from being who I really am or showmanship. I can be anything I want to be!

Have you heard of the chinese saying,

多做多错，
少做少错，
不做就永远不会错，(却也永远不会对)。

The more you do, the higher probability of committing a folly.
The lesser you do, the lower the chances of commiting any mistakes.
By not doing anything at all, you will never go wrong, but you will never be right either.
(You will just be an insignificant nothing)

At the tender age of 20, I acknowledge that everything I say here may one day be used against me by instituitions agents of authority, but I am who I am, the summation result of my past experiences.

This is a journal attesting to my growth (positive or negative) as well as the accumulation of life in years to come.

I have painstakingly transferred previous embarrassing archives written in my younger years to a private domain in a bid to protect my future dignity and reputation, and will in my free time, import the oldest rare occassional epiphanic posts which contained gems of youthful wisdom that makes sense to the current me.

In the meantime,
what you see is what you get.

2011-04-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

For those that will fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered will never know.

Something I can never have

2011-04-05T01:55:00.001+08:00

I feel as though everyone,everything wants a piece of me.

I've hit a wall with school

I am really tired out.

2011-04-03T19:05:00.000+08:00

If I want it bad enough,
I'll die when I say so.
I don't have to wait.

2011-03-30T23:59:00.002+08:00

" It's not about getting through it,

It's getting something out of it. "